New York Times' George Vecsey Is "Old Appalachian Hand," Awful Columnist

It's rare that I read a column that is so bad I feel compelled to point out how bad it is. In fact, I don't think I've ever done this before because generally I have a pretty lenient standard on these things. But George Vecsey of the New York Times, who I'd never heard of before this work, managed to string together a column that is an epic in absurdity: John Kennedy Toole meets college recruiting. Read it here.

But first, let's review how the New York Times has turned a secondary violation, at best, into the story equivalent of Lane Kiffin dumping three million dollars out of a helicopter, spreading out the cash on the field, bringing over hostesses, and filming an orgy for recruits.

Trust me, I know how to get attention for stories. But generally those stories are rooted in opinion, that is, they're supposed to take a side one way or the other.

This story is different, it's ostensibly hard news. Only, as you've seen from my prior writing, there has been a clear agenda from the get-go. Yep, the New York Times has played a game with the Tennessee recruiting scandal. They've done everything they could to turn a couple of plain old rocks into shiny gold bullion. Welcome to the new alchemy of sports reporting, if you don't have the goods, fake it and hope no one calls you on it.

Why? Because they're trying to brand themselves as a muckraking investigative team policing the world of college sports. Only they've failed.

Miserably.

And I'll confess that disappoints me. Because I'm a New York Times subscriber and have been for years. I rely on them to bring me solid news from some of the most intelligent minds on earth.

I even, and this is a bit embarrassing, have a New York Times t-shirt that I bought at their online store.

Seriously, a t-shirt.

I also have a Washington Post t-shirt from my college days in D.C., and I might have to break that one out more regularly from now on.

So my point is, usually the Times delivers, and I appreciate that delivery because it helps keep me informed in a world where complexity and nuance isn't often examined.

But not this time.

Here's their formula for the Tennessee story for the unaware.

1. Break the huge story that girls went to a high school football game. Include in that article many factual inaccuracies, rush it to print, and don't bother contacting anyone at Tennessee beforehand.

In fact, rush this story to such an extent that it never appears in the paper delivered to the market that would most likely read it, the Southeastern edition.

2. Hit the interview circuit where a fawning news media does nothing to call you on any of the errors in your reporting.

Wax eloquent about things you don't actually know about, including the prevalence of secondary violations under Lane Kiffin--they aren't really out of the ordinary--and accept the praise of a news media that desperately needs a new story to trumpet every day lest their viewers fritter away.

3. Follow-up your story with a reaction story the next day.

4. On Friday, spring a new story that features quotes from an AAU basketball promoter, the slimiest people in all of sports and there isn't a close second, about how hostesses were trained to rub their breasts on recruit's arms.

The story provides nothing but salacious content.

Aside from the sheer ludicrousness of this story--how long could the breasts touching the arms training possibly take and what were the other steps?-- the AAU guy took five recruiting visits in the past four years.

Five!

If you're really that offended by your treatment wouldn't you stop going? Wouldn't most people?

5. Write an opinion piece about the story that you broke in your newspaper.

This latest move by the New York Times is the weakest. In fact, it makes every other story pale in comparison.

Let's dive in to this Vecsey column, shall we?

a. Vecsey gives us the definition of a hostess.

Thanks, I guess.

He also puts the word "hostesses" in quotation marks.

Why?

Does he dispute that they are actually hostesses? If so, why does he he then give us the definition of hostess?

And why is the New York Times allowing him to obliquely hint at prostitution when there is no evidence whatsoever of that fact? Quoth Vecsey: "I thought there was a law against this kind of thing, across state borders or something."

Calumny meets columny.

He also drops this beautiful line, "I'm not suggesting anything untoward happened on the little trip from Knoxville, Tenn., to Duncan, S.C."

Thanks for that. I'll echo your faint praise with my own, "I'm not suggesting that George Vecsey couldn't write his way out of a paper sack if it was open on both ends and other writers wrote the beginning, middle and end of his little column, I think he's quite capable."

b. Vecsey writes: "The N.C.A.A. seems to find this a trifle irregular. Whether Coach Lane Kiffin actually handed the hostesses a road map and chits for gasoline fill-ups is not the point. It happened on his watch, the way Watergate happened on the watch of Richard M. Nixon."

First of all, where does his authority that "The NCAA seems to find this a trifle irregular," come from? There is no evidence that the NCAA finds it a trifle anything. Because they haven't issued any commentary on any findings.

And unlike the New York times, the NCAA has not made a ton of factual errors in their reporting about this issue. So pardon me if I'm not willing to take a leap of faith and follow Vecsey's logic.

Second, did he really equate two girls holding up a sign that says, "Miller and Willis have our hearts," with Richard Nixon subverting the American electoral process?

Yes...he did.

And he "writes" for the newspaper of record in America.

c. Next Vecsey memorably shares: "By the way, I am no Tennessee-basher. I'm an old Appalachian hand. Been to Kingsport and Monteagle and Oak Ridge."

So, wait, you're "an old Appalachian hand"--whatever that means-- if you've been to three cities in Tennessee?

That's three real cities!

In the same state he's writing about!

I can't wait until the World Cup. Because then I can write this sentence when I jot off a column that makes no sense about European soccer.

"By the way, I am no Europe-basher. I'm an old European hand. Been to Rome and Prague and Paris."

Do you see how ridiculous that sounds?

To say nothing of the lame attempt at writing in a folksy manner. Which is, you guessed it, patronizing and insulting to intelligent Southerners.

If our good ole boy Vecsey was writing about going to Memphis to hear the blues would he write, "Lordy, I'se excited to see them mens strum dem fingers."

Probably not, right?

So why insult Southerners of all races by employing a bad vernacular in his column?

d. Vecsey continues his bad Southern writing: "Makes me want to get in a car and take a drive. The Web tells me that Interstate 40 is cut off by a rock slide west of Asheville, N.C. (I am not making this up), so if I had time and the weather were benign, I would take Route 441 out of Knoxville through Sevierville and Pigeon Forge, put on a Dolly Parton tape in homage, and think about taking a hike in the Smokies, haven’t done that in years, and then meander around Asheville on local roads, bowing toward Thomas Wolfe's gravesite (damn, I am getting nostalgic just writing about this) before picking up Interstate 26 toward Spartanburg, S.C., and adjacent Duncan.

Two hundred and three miles. That's what it adds up to on my AAA map. Each way. Actually don't know how the hostesses got to the high school football game. Maybe they were flown on a private jet donated by some fat-cat Tennessee Vols booster."

I think this is a direct response to my assertion that arguing "nearly 200 miles" in the Times' initial article was an attempt to skew the facts. And, credit to Vecsey, he's correct that there is presently a rock slide blocking part of I-40.

But that rock slide happened at the end of October. So when the girls went to the game, at the end of September, they took a major interstate. Ashame, really. Because doesn't Vecsey write so purty about the roads he would take?

Meaning, you guessed it, the trip to the high school game is still shorter than the Times asserts...on their fifth try to get it right.

e. Insert random rumination about Hofstra football. (I am not making this up.)

f. Finally the stirring conclusion: "Could the N.C.A.A. mandate an autumn without the sound of "Rocky Top" echoing off the hills? Could happen. Maybe should happen. And if it does, I recommend a hike in the Smokies on Saturday afternoon. No hostesses up there, however."

Aside from making no argument in his entire column, Vecsey comes to the logical conclusion that the NCAA should do...what exactly?

He isn't even clear on that.

He suggests that either the NCAA should give a team the death penalty--which hasn't happened in the NCAA since the early 1980's and happened then because SMU was rife with corruption--because two girls went to a game and held up a sign for guys that weren't even on UT's team.

This suggestion is so laughable it makes flat-Earthists seem rational.

Or.

He's suggesting that the NCAA penalize Tennessee by forbidding the playing of Rocky Top. Which, to be fair, is even funnier, albeit unintentionally.

That's your newspaper of record in America, gents.

Frankly, the Times should be ashamed.

Labels: george vecsey is awful writer columnist new york times

Posted by Clay Travis at 11:00 AM 24 comments
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