Clay Travis has a new book hitting the shelves August 2009. Click here to check out his new book On Rocky Top.
Bag of Mail

ClayNation Video Game Cover


Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Courtesy of reader Hank comes what I would look like on a video game box. Because I know everyone has been dreaming of this. Also, the GW-Vandy football game would be an epic tilt. Particularly because GW hasn't fielded a team since 1966. Let's just say GW would set a record for Jewish players who are under 5'8, use hair gel and high five one another after using the word "phat."

Some things that would be included in my video game:

1. Quarterback rock star segments- if your quarterback throws for 300 yards, you get to follow him post-game to the sorority house. You can get bonus points (used to upgrade your team recruiting) by catching different bras and panties being tossed out the windows.

2. A beard button--if you think your players aren't playing well enough you can have them grow a beard. It would be risky though, if your player wasn't capable of growing a beard, he'd suffer a season-ending injury the next week. So choose wisely. (Aka don't heard the beard button with John Parker Wilson).

3. Cheerleader nudity. Input the old unlimited men code from Contra and the cheerleaders would be naked on the sideline.


4. If you punt when facing a 4th down and under three yards to go your team colors become pink for the remainder of the game.

5. Create fan insults that can tip the scales for your home games via the momentum meter. You'd submit your idea to a creativity board (which would consist of me) and if they're judge

6. The Apostrophe button. Above the x button on the controller? An apostrophe. If a player had an apostrophe and you hit the button your player would move at the speed of light.

7. Civil War History quizzes. Facing a fourth down and long late in the game and uncertain whether you can convert? Take a gamble on Civil War trivia. Where did Jeb Stuart die?

If you selected at the Battle of Yellow Tavern, then, bang, you converted.

Anyway, these are 7 ideas. Clearly, many more things can be included.

Labels:

Posted by Clay Travis at 11:21 AM 0 comments


 
Previous Posts

Archives


 
Travis has become enamored of several objects, phrases or events which he frequenly references in the column. Among the most frequent:
 
'Bama Bangs - a term coined by Travis to refer to southern men's hairstyles that feature prominent bangs for no apparent reason. Brodie Croyle and John Parker Wilson are oft-cited violators of 'Bama Bangs rules.
Read More...
 
On Rocky Top When Clay Travis, acclaimed author of Dixieland Delight, decided to spend the 2008 season up close and personal with UT football, he—and every other college football aficionado—thought he was in for a rollicking ride with one of the leading contenders for the national title. After all, when the Vols kicked off the season on September 1, the defending SEC East champions were ranked 18th in the country. As head coach Phillip Fulmer prepared for the game, he reflected upon a coaching career that included an astounding 147 victories, two SEC championships, and a national title. With 34 years at UT under his belt as both a player and coach, the Tennessee native had just signed a contract extension that projected to keep him at the university long enough to become the winningest coach in program history.
Read More...
 
Dixieland Delight There is no college ball more passionate and competitive than football in the Southeastern Conference, where seven of the twelve schools boast stadiums bigger than any in the NFL and 6.5 million fans hit the road every year to hoot and holler their teams to victory.
Read More...
 
Man Book The newly favored man is not really a man at all, but a hairless, effeminate, germ-fearing, non-meat-eating, exfoliating, wristband-wearing woman of the worst order. We as men are told that we must embrace the sacred feminine in ourselves, even if it doesn't actually exist, and become the very quintessence of woman, plus penises. This situation is untenable. This trend must stop.
Read More...
 
Vanderbuilt Law Clay Travis is the only former student manager in the history of college athletics to marry an NFL cheerleader. He managed to pull this off despite an irrational affinity for the television shows Dawson's Creek and My Super Sweet 16. While being raised in Nashville, Tenn., Travis developed a healthy obsession with college sports and Alyssa Milano. As a teenager his greatest accomplishment was taking a doo-rag wearing Luke Duke (balling as Tom Wopat) to the hole at the Nashville YMCA. In the midst of a stellar legal career during which he specialized in rewarding the unjust and punishing the oppressed, Travis began writing for CBS Sports's SPiN section in September 2005...
Read More...
 
 
© Copyright Clay Travis 2009, All Rights Reserved.