Lost amid the kerfuffle overtaking John Calipari, Memphis, and Kentucky is the question that everyone should be asking: Is your average athletic director smart enough to handle their job given the intense pressure and attention that now descends upon the position?
Most are old jocks who've risen to prominence through equal parts glad-handing and reminiscing about the good ole days. They aren't particularly skilled in the black arts of modern-day communications or even, necessarily, at managing multi-million dollar businesses. I've wondered about this for a while, but the ham-handed way that R.C. Johnson of Memphis and Mitch Barnhart of Kentucky have dealt with the John Calipari imbroglio, has convinced me that neither of these guys are up to the job with which they've been entrusted.
Let's begin with Memphis' Johnson. He has his master's degree in P.E. from Northern Iowa. I'm sure there are all sorts of brilliant people in charge of multi-million dollar businesses who chose to pursue graduate studies in P.E., but I can't think of any. His actions at Memphis confirm this opinion. First, he allowed Calipari to insert language into the letters of intent that his players were signing that allowed the players out of the deal if Calipari wasn't there any longer; this is unheard of. Secondly, he waged a war to keep Calipari at Memphis without firing the shot that would have ended Kentucky's pursuit of Calipari immediately, releasing the NCAA letter of inquiry.
Tortious interference with contract rights can occur where the tortfeasor convinces a party to breach the contract against the plaintiff, or where the tortfeasor disrupts the ability of one party to perform his obligations under the contract, thereby preventing the plaintiff from receiving the performance promised. The hardcore instance of this tort occurs when one party induces another party to breach a contract with a third party, in circumstances where the first party has no privilege to act as it does and acts with knowledge of the existence of the contract. Such conduct is termed tortious inducement of breach of contract.
You can agree or disagree with whether or not R.C. Johnson should have used the NCAA letter to his advantage (I obviously think he should have), but you can't use tortious contract law to justify your position. Unless your readers are too dumb to recognize that you don't even know what you're writing about. Then, type away.
I'm up in Michigan for the week and will be away from my computer most of the day. But my columns will still be going up this week at FanHouse. Tomorrow I'll be writing on Crompton's death threat and a column on seven changes I'd make to sports. Not sure when exactly they'll be up. But they will be up sooner or later. They'll show up here. Or you can head to the front page of Fanhouse and click next to my dashing photograph.
In case you were wondering how the pink dolphin did in relation to our new Supreme Court nominee:
Pink Dolphin--28 emails
Judge Sotomayor--0 emails
I think we know who our beaver pelt trader of the week is.
Also for those of you who have been obsessed with when my picture will go up on Fanhouse (such as my mom and radio show co-host Chad Withrow), I'm now pictured on the front page. So if you're lazy and you're wondering whether I've written any column-length pieces, which, by the way, I'll be doing every day, you can keep updated on the front page.
Anyway, every few months the pink dolphin takes the internet by storm. Somebody new finds out about it and everyone exults. Then it disappears. I'd like to get credit for the pink dolphin someday, but you know, the pink dolphin doesn't just belong to me, it belongs to all of us.
I'm tearing up now.
Have good weekends. I'm off to Michigan. So feel sorry for me.
Twice he's had four children by four different women in the same year. When reached for comment Travis Henry said, "Some people just don't know how to take care of their business."
He most have the most fertile sperm on earth. Which reminds me, a friend of mine argues that the uglier the women are the more fertile they are. Wouldn't this be a great experiment? His theory is that they're like camels, they have to be able to store the sperm that they get.
Link courtesy of Craig B. who writes:
Clay,
Since this is from the great state of Tennessee, I thought you would appreciate it. Seriously, how broke do you have to be where you cannot buy condoms? Don’t they give those things away free in a city like Knoxville? The city of Knoxville now has something to talk about other than KiffinTweets.
The best part of the article states the citizens of Knoxville want the man castrated. That’s a harsh penalty for being stupid and boys that can swim.
By the way, the Asian woman in the above video is laughing now, but wait until she finds out she's pregnant with twins.
Even when they get a compliment, it comes off as an insult.
Is anyone else starting to think that Spurrier at South Carolina is the equivalent of the scene late in Boogie Nights when Dirk Diggler is jerking off in the parking lot for $20. Yeah, me too.
Anyway, I'm assuming this is correct because I can't imagine anyone being diabolical enough to come up with a photoshop of this stat. South Carolinians can confirm the accuracy when they stop crying.
Several of you have emailed about this video since we talked it about it on the radio this week. Here it is. As you can see, Young has the Heimerdinger offense down.
“I didn't ever think anyone would go snitch on me like that,'' Chism said in the final video posted on YouTube late Thursday. “I need to stop making videos because I didn't think anybody would call the University of Tennessee basketball office and talk about, `He (Chism) is cussing a lot on YouTube.' ''
Chism indicated UT asked him to take down about two dozen videos he made. Chism used profanity in some of the videos while making light of every day life.
It's truly a sad day on the Internets. Sad indeed.
Auburn's new coach Gene Chizik has remained under the radar thus far. Fortunately here at the ClayNation column we became aware that each new coach has to stand up and introduce himself to the other SEC coaches at the annual coaches meeting. Fortunately we were able to capture the entirety of this fabricated introduction. And now we can fabricate it for your enjoyment today. Meet Gene Chizik. Already his introductory speech is being called the Gettysburg Address of Auburn football.
"Hey, y'all my name's Gene Chizik and I'm the new coach at Auburn. Some of y'all remember me, some of y'all won't. I'm just a regular ole guy likes fishing and eating Twinkies with the wrappers still on. I'm from Florida, and Auburn's always been my dream job. Except for Florida, I've always liked Florida better than Auburn since I went to college there, but they already had a coach. Really, I'm gonna be honest, I didn't care where the hell I ended up so long as it wasn't in Ames, Iowa. Ames, Iowa is about the worst place in the world. The sun never shines and it snows in July. I guess y'all know how successful I was there. Pretty big-time. I won five games."
Chizik extends a finger as he counts, "One, two, three, four, five. Five big ones."
Some people down at Auburn say, well, 'Five ain't that impressive, Gene, didn't you lose 19?' And I say to them, 'I say, hey ole boy, I ain't here to talk about the past. This here is about the future.'" For instance, I say to them, 'You want big numbers? How 'bout 60, 62, and 76, them's big numbers.' That's where Rivals ranked my recruiting classes at Iowa State.
Was I the only person who didn't know Upper Deck was still in business? Trivia question, who occupied the number one position in their first ever baseball card set?
Anyone else think Moreno cutting down the goal post with a football was somehow an apt metaphor for Georgia's 2008 defense?
The worst advice? My friends always said, "If the shoe fits, wear it." That wasn't always the case with women. Some of the shoes fit, but I shouldn't have worn it. (Laughs.)
If I could trade places for a day with anyone, it would be my old (Florida) teammate, Tim Tebow. Some of the stuff and some of the girls and things that were thrown at him. We saw all kind of actors and news reporters just kind of blatantly say, "Tebow, I want you." And he turned them down. I'm looking at him, like, "Man, you are crazy."
Somehow the parenthetical (laughs) kills me here more than anything else. I love the women and shoe connection here. Which women don't fit? Biologically of course.
Also, Harvin needs to open up. Which actors? I'm thinking David Caruso. Unless he opens up too far and he adds, "writers," and then everyone finds out about the time I got drunk and texted Tebow to see if he wanted to stop by after two in the morning. I'm still not that proud of it.
Do you ever wonder what Joe Paterno's talks to his players are like? I picture him confusing current players with guys from the 1980's. But I also bet they're incredibly entertaining. Because Joe Pa is one of the last coaches without a filter. Witness this story about getting drunk before a speaking engagement. And a later story about a dean being on vacation with his secretary. Paterno is like Mad Men brought to life. Read all the stories here.
He reminisced about traveling to the Lehigh Valley decades ago, having flown in from the Midwest and going directly from the airport to the Northampton Fire Hall to speak before a group of about 1,000.
Joe had eaten nothing all day, and the folks at the fire hall started plying him with punch. Joe drank lots of punch, not knowing what was in it. He realized before too long, however, that it was no ordinary punch.
“I said ‘I’m drunk.’ … I honestly didn’t know where I was,” Joe said.
Need more? How about when Joe Paterno was a bachelor.
Joe talked about when he was a bachelor at Penn State and an assistant coach, how he and his colleagues on staff would command a table at the Corner Room on College Avenue, and they would watch the pretty girls walk by.
He talked about the mid-1950s when he and Rip Engle, Penn State’s head coach then, drove to California to coach a college all-star football game. Engle was adamant about stopping at Pike’s Peak in Colorado and driving to the top.
Well, when they got to the top of the mountain, Engle recognized that one of Penn State’s deans also was there on vacation – only the dean was there with his secretary, not his family.
Naturally, Rip and Joe high-tailed it out of there and didn’t say a word.
Coach Calipari's Program Accused of Cheating...What A Surprise
This morning Kentucky fans woke up and noticed it burned when they peed. It happened sooner than I thought it would, but dating a stripper is already starting to hurt. If you didn't already know, or weren't one of the twenty people to email me as soon as the Memphis Commercial-Appeal broke the news, Memphis is under investigation for issues relating to a fraudulent SAT test for Derrick Rose (though he is unnamed) and for someone catching a free ride on the team plane and a free hotel room. How severe could the penalties be? Well, Coach Cal stands a pretty real chance of becoming the first coach in NCAA history to have both of his trips to the Final Four stricken from the NCAA record books. That's pretty unbelievable. Enter the Geoff Calkins zinger, "The man can get a program to the Final Four, can't he? At least, temporarily."
I'll say it again, Coach Cal is not leaving Lexington without the Cats being on probation.
Period.
After the probation comes down, Kentucky fans will be honest with themselves. They'll stop burying their heads in the sand and claiming that Coach Cal is able to get such consistently talented players because he's a "good recruiter." I've been around quite a bit of college basketball at a variety of levels, and the one thing I can promise you is that every coach from the biggest program in the country to the smallest program in the country gives his heart and soul over to recruiting. It's simply inconceivable that one guy is that much better of a recruiter than someone else. Especially when that person is at UMass and Memphis.
You want an easy analogy, Kentucky fans are like St. Louis Cardinals fans who reacted with such indignation when Mark McGwire and steroids were first linked. They overlook what logic should tell them because they want so desperately to believe the hype is justified.
News flash, it ain't.
The tough thing is, Coach Cal's going to leave them in the NCAA lurch as he hopscotches away at the last possible moment. Good luck with that.
Geoff Calkins, lead columnist at the Memphis-Commercial appeal, (and Harvard Law grad!) has a great column today:
On June 6, the University of Memphis will appear before the NCAA's Committee on Infractions in connection with allegations of three major rules violations under Calipari, including the charge that one player -- Derrick Rose? -- didn't take his own SAT.
Calipari is not personally implicated in any of the allegations. Of course he's not. He wasn't implicated in the UMass fiasco, either.
He just happened to be in charge when the bad stuff happened at UMass. He just happened to be in charge when the bad stuff may have happened at Memphis. The man is to NCAA investigations as Joey Dorsey was to bar fights. He's just unlucky, darn it!
(By the way, Calkins is the best columnist at a Southern newspaper in the country. Read him if you aren't already.)
Now it's not just Coach Cal, I think he's the dirtiest head coach in a position that's filled with dirt. Of late the dirtiest single area of the sport is caused by this ridiculous one-year past high school graduation requirement that the NBA has foisted upon these kids. It puts kids who are in line for a big payday in an awkward holding pattern. They have to go to college and attend class for a single semester before bailing for big money. Many of these guys pass single-digit hours during their freshman season. Is this really the intent of the rule?
What it does instead is shuffle big name kids into college where they don't belong. Their handlers are left standing on the sideline chafing at the absurdity of the payday that awaits. The situation is ripe for egregious cheating to take place because it eliminates the market for a year. Then the cheating happens. Who has made their bones by going after one-year kids more aggressive than anyone?
You guessed it... Cal.
A few other things on these allegations:
1. Given that UK athletic officials acknowledge they knew about this investigation, how desperate were they to get Cal and how stupid was this decision? If these allegations had been public would your average intelligent and discriminating UK basketball fan (there are some, I'm friends with them) really have supported this hire?
I don't think so.
Which means you really have to question your athletic department on this one. They knew this was going to come out sooner or later and made their decision anyway. If I was a Kentucky fan, I'd be furious right now.
2. The head in the sand Kentucky fans (there are a ton) are going to bend over backward and argue that their stripper girlfriend is being faithful and continuing to behave in the most ethical manner possible. They're lying to themselves. On some level they know it. But they're like the guy with the girlfriend that everyone hates, attacking her draws them closer together into their sordid embrace.
Sooner or later, they'll have a huge explosive fight and tearfully confess that you were right about her all along. I can't wait to buy popcorn and watch the implosion on CatsPause when the Cal and Kentucky divorce comes.
3. Will Memphis throw Cal under the bus as this investigation moves forward? There's probably no love-lost between the program and the coach now. Typically both sides act to protect the other on investigations like these. Maybe not so much now that Cal has bolted and left the program in the lurch.
4. How closely are the Kentucky recruits going to have their test scores and their transcripts examined? I don't know the details of those recruits, but they better have taken the tests at Indianapolis in their underwear while NCAA investigators timed them.
5. Where do they put the banners that they take down? Does Cal get to keep them in his house? Use them as bedspreads?
The SEC coaches meetings rolled into Destin, Fla., this week, and Lane Kiffin washed ashore.
You know Kiffin, the man who brought a Molotov cocktail to the SEC tea party, the guy who coaches like tickets have to be sold for the latest WWE event. You halfway expect for him to enter press conferences wearing orange tights, grab the mike, scream invectives at his rivals, then spike the microphone, kiss his biceps, and leave without taking questions. Kiffin coaches college football like Vince McMahon helms the WWE, it's all about creating a buzz.
In six months, Kiffin has soaked up all the news in the college football atmosphere. We can argue about whether that's deserved, given that he hasn't even coached a game, or whether Kiffin's every comment is being treated as bigger news than it is because ESPN just ponied up a princely sum to carry SEC athletic events, and nothing sells better than a crazed renegade running around with a chainsaw in America's most storied conference. The Southeastern Conference is a place where they name streets after coaches, not where coaches moon opposing teams as they drive by. But what all of this attention has missed is something more profound, Kiffin represents a new generation of SEC coach, and people haven't gotten a handle on that yet.
David Traver didn't expect to win the freestyle category in the World Beard and Moustache Championships. But he did.
The Anchorage man certainly didn't think he'd go on to be crowned champ of the international competition that salutes those with the fanciest whiskers. But he was.
"Kind of cool," said Traver, 43, who normally competes in the full beard category but decided to do something different in the freestyle category for Saturday's competition — very different. He and a stylist worked for more than an hour to get his long beard woven into the shape of a snow shoe.
The judges went for it.
"No American has ever placed in the freestyle let alone won it," Traver said Sunday.
Says reader John R.:
How have you not posted anything about this yet? How did you not convince fanhouse to send you to this competition? I need answers.
Remember Frank "Six Fingers" Tolbert? The NFL Wants Him
At least according to reader Jeremy D. who sends this handy (see what I did there) nugget our way via facebook. (And no one ever lies about anything on facebook.)
From the Auburn Scout premium board comes news of your favorite 12 fingered basketball player taking a shot at the NFL:
*On the subject of basketball players and football, it is true that former Tiger Frank Tolbert is a guy the NFL’s Atlanta Falcons are interested in looking at as a free agent football player. The Falcons requested video of Frank the Tank in action at Auburn. Frank, who has played pro basketball in Europe, played football and baseball when he was a youngster before deciding to concentrate on basketball when he got to junior high school.
From back in the days when I would regularly sing his praises on CBS, Frank and I are facebook friends. So I've shot him a message to find out if this is true. In the meantime, continue your jealousy over your piddling five fingers.
True story, from 7-9th grade, I'd go across the street to a local community center and play pool. The idea was that eventually we'd all be good if we played enough. As 7th grade dreams go, this was a good one. Turns out I was wrong. For whatever reason, I've never been good at pool.
So I switched my efforts to ping pong. I'm still amazing at ping pong. If you're reading this right now, I could destroy you. But pool, I've never been any good. My wife beats me all the time. And so would this kid.
Isn't it kind of funny how Spurrier, the coach Kiffin most resembles, is upset with him now? Now they're having arguments in elevators. Spurrier is in real danger of shuffling off the SEC universe after this season. Is this really how we all saw the Spurrier era coming to a close? Yelping at Stephen Garcia while trying to stay above .500 after four years at Carolina?
Anyway, here's the big blow-up.
As the coaches were filtering out of their meeting room and waiting for an elevator, a reporter informed Spurrier that Kiffin, albeit jokingly, had said earlier in the day that he never got an apology from Spurrier about questioning whether Kiffin had taken the recruiting test.
Spurrier sighed, slumped his shoulders and then wheeled around toward Kiffin, who was standing about five feet away waiting on the same elevator.
"I didn't accuse you of cheating," said an animated Spurrier, motioning toward Kiffin, who stood there with his face reddening by the second.
"What I said was, 'Was it permissible to call recruits before you were announced head coach and had taken the [recruiting] test?' Now, you took the test online, and I didn't even know you could do that. I thought you had to take the test on campus ... and then start calling [recruits]."
Kiffin never fired back, but Arkansas' Bobby Petrino walked by and quipped, "You're not getting me in the middle of this one."
Honestly, I should be in Destin right now, I can't imagine how entertaining this all is. Thank God I'll be at SEC Media Days this year. Hopefully Kiffin will grow back out the goatee.
Yahoo's Dan Wetzel Our Guest On ClayNation Radio Tonight From 7-9
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Here is Dan's bio at Yahoo. He's also been investigating the BCS for Yahoo. Today they broke a pretty fascinating take down of one of the rationales put forward for the existence of bowl games, they provide charitable donations to the cities in which they host bowl games. Except, they don't. Read about it here. You can listen live here.
On Friday I sat down to do a radio show here in Nashville with my friend Chad Withrow. As we were going on the air, ESPN brought in a reporter to discuss a seismic story breaking in the college football universe on the televisions hanging above us. Tennessee was firing its strength and conditioning coach, Mark Smith.
Seriously, this was the story. We were about to go on the air in Nashville and we weren't going to lead with this story, but ESPN was. A year-round sport demands controversy, even if there's no real controversy.
If you've ever doubted how much the Internet has changed college football, this was a tipping point of epic proportions.
The nation's largest sports voice was reporting on the firing of a man the average Tennessee fan couldn't even name. But the fact that the average Tennessee fan didn't know his name wasn't the story. It's come to this, no one associated with a major college athletic program is anonymous anymore. The universe of sports knowledge has expanded so fast most of us have forgotten what sports used to be like. In fact, it's a cliche to talk about the dumbing down of America, but think about it for a moment, how much more sports knowledge about your favorite teams do you actually know today compared to 10 years ago?
Put it this way, how many assistant coaches on your favorite college football team could you have named a decade ago? I'll be honest, I didn't know the majority of the staff. I knew the offensive and defensive coordinators, and I would have recognized the names of the other guys, but I wouldn't have been able to place them at their correct positions. And I would have hardly known any position coaches of other SEC teams. Be honest, you didn't either. Fast forward 10 years and assistant coaches are stars, pocketing big salaries. What's even more ridiculous is that we have opinions about our assistant coaches now. There are guys we think are particularly strong and guys we think are particularly weak. I've accepted all that.
Having non-American citizenship in these instances is incredibly valuable since teams limit the number of American-born players that can be on rosters. So if you can get a guy who is an American player but count him as a native, well, it's an amazing asset. Meaning we probably should have seen the Calathes departure coming.
The deal, sources said, will pay Calathes around $1.1 million per year, in addition to providing him with a home, car and tax credits, making for a total package commensurate to what the NBA rookie salary scale provides a late-lottery selection. Golden's State forward Anthony Randolph, the final lottery pick of 2008 at No. 14, made $1.424 million as a rookie.
With his Greek heritage and dual citizenship, Calathes figures to be a popular figure in Athens. In addition to joining arguably the world's most elite overseas franchise, there should be endorsement opportunities aplenty, and the built-in honor to represent his country in international competition. Last summer, he played for the Greek National Team during the FIBA Europe Under-20 championships.
Does this make it likely that Florida will be NIT bound for the third consecutive season? I think so. Even more than that, I think Florida's going to finish fourth in the SEC East, behind Kentucky, Tennessee and Vandy.
Anyway, this also means that only Chandler Parsons remains from the immortal picture linked above.
Wayne Chism, the black Brody Jenner.: YouTube Star, Slanging Rubber, and Ellipticizing
Evidently Chism spends all of his free time with a middle-aged white man riding bikes, slanging rubber, posing with sex dolls, and explaining why black people don't jog in their neighborhoods.
Comcast's move hasn't gotten very much attention. But for notorious Comcast haters like me, it's a big deal. I've wanted ESPNU for a while here in Nashville. (I still want CBS College Sports as well.) Why did Comcast crumble? They were afraid of the outrage that SEC fans would bring to bear if we couldn't watch every football game we wanted to watch. Here's the story from FanHouse.
I'm out for the weekend of celebratory festivities surrounding my friend Tardio's birthday. If you're out in Nashville this weekend, there's a good chance we'll run into you.
Oh, and our beaver pelt trader of the week? The dude who jumped the balls in the kayak. Scroll back down and you'll find him.
Here's a takeaway from the column:
What's your No. 1 fear if you subscribe to cable and you're a sports fan? Aside from the signal dying on the first day of the NCAA basketball tournament or on any Saturday or Sunday in the fall, it's that through no fault of your own you might not be able to watch your favorite teams play because of rights disputes between major companies.
We've seen it with the Big Ten Network and several cable companies, and we've seen it with the NFL Network and virtually every cable company. Nothing sucks more as a sports fan than being a paying subscriber, being willing to pay whatever you have to for the games you want to see, and still not being able to watch your favorite team play from the comfort of home. It's a constant dance between content providers and cable distributors over how much channels should cost, and fandom is the collateral damage.
The latest rights dispute that seemed likely was between ESPN and Comcast. Only it never materialized.
It hasn't gotten much attention, but ESPN scored a major victory over the nation's largest cable company this week, Comcast agreed to carry ESPNU on their digital tier package. Why? Because Comcast didn't want to fight SEC fans who can't watch their favorite teams play.
Chad Withrow and Me From 2-3 Today on 104.5 the Zone
We'll be talking about twitter, jogging, how the internet has made us all more aware of assistant coaches (and strength coaches) on our teams, and the like. Listen live here. It will help pass the final hours of the work week.
You be the judge. (Courtesy of reader Bill Y.) Meet Daijon Tyler. He looks just like the kind of guy who will never be late for a meeting. Of course he's not getting a lot of respect either. His name is misspelled in the article where his coach is quoted talking about him. And Rivals describes him as "one of the most physical defenders in the state of Colorado." Which is a bit like being described as "the biggest bad ass in kindergarten."
I think I speak for everyone when I say, how does he not have an apostrophe?
I hate jogging. Passionately. Every couple of years I get fat and I have to start jogging again. Now is one of those times; I'm up to 186 pounds, about 11 pounds above my playing weight. Recently I saw a picture of myself in a wife-beater and I looked like a beached whale. Well, a beached whale in a wife-beater. Traditionally I loathe every moment that I spend jogging, but this time around it's worse than it's ever been before.
Why? Because I live in a majority black neighborhood in downtown Nashville where no one ever jogs. No one. When you jog here, people look behind you to see who you're running from. Once they confirm that you've chosen to run on your own and aren't being pursued, they make fun of you. "Run, Forrest, run!" my neighbors call from the shady comfort of their front porches, from the insides of their air-conditioned cars, from the jungle gym in the neighborhood park.
Yep, I'm white, I have a beard, and I jog. This makes me Forrest Gump to everyone in the neighborhood.
Ryan, the above winner, is dating Janna, a UT grad who hung out with me at Steeplechase a couple of weeks ago. Now this. I'll be honest with you, every time I stayed home from school and was sick all I did was sit around and watch game shows with my grandmother. I've always wanted to go on the Price Is Right. I've participated in an NFL halftime contest, now this goal remains.
There's got to be a lesson here about the merchandise sold after the buzz surrounding a coaching hire, even if there is very little buzz when your 97th choice is the one who gets the job (Zook). My mother in law bought me one of the Urban Meyer shirts when she visited Gainesville... and I never wore it outside of going to the gym, and even then I waited till we won a championship.
What is the market for these? Are there multiple companies waiting for Nick Saban's next coaching move with baited breath? Did they even bother printing a Gene Chizik version?
And I feel like this should be tied into those 'rivalry' t-shirts they print up for every game. Who really wants a Gators shirt talking smack about the Hawaii game (and they existed)?
There's probably an economic rule that we could craft dealing with what a coach specific shirt is selling for and how close he is to getting fired, right? Wouldn't it stand to reason that this is the best possible way, market-centric anyway, to craft a hot seat for coaches?
I think so.
Of course it could also be a function of how lame the shirt is. The Weis Guys? Really, The Weis Guys?
As for the game-specific shirts, I've always been troubled by them. Primarily because if you lose you have a tangible representation of your loss that you have to keep wearing. Either that or you just throw it away immediately. And if you win does the t-shirt make you feel that much better? (championships excepted when you are obligated to buy the t-shirt).
After George Washington won the A-10 Tourney for the first time ever back in 2004, we all bought the t-shirts. They were $25 each, an outrage, and they faded on the first washing. You couldn't even read what they said on the front after a month.
I almost started not to write this email but then I decided why not. You have no proof what so ever that Coach Calapari has cheated or will do anything to put UK on probation but that does not stop you from taking shots at UK basketball. I hope your Commodores are getting ready for what is about to become at least a semi-annual butt-kicking in basketball and possibly 3 times a year if we meet your sorry ass in the SEC Basketball Tourney. I already have my room reserved in Nashville for next years SEC Tournament as do about 15,000 other Big Blue Fans when we take over the SEC Tournament. You might have graduated from Vanderbilt but you are still a jerk and Kentucky will kick your ass in Basketball on a regular basis. Lets see how much fun you can have with your worthless column writing about that.
Cats Fan in Louisville.
My favorite parts of the email:
1. I think you have to lead with misspelling the coach's last name. That's always a sure sign you're a big fan.
2. I also enjoy the misplaced apostrophe in the subject line, the awkward capitalization (is the lower-case "you" supposed to send me a message), but my favorite is the period at the end. I'm picturing this guy lifting his camo Kentucky hat off his head and saying, "Yes, I nailed it. Always end a sentence with a period."
2. "what so ever" as three words and one extra space. He probably hit his beer while typing and went to catch it. (The spacing self-corrected when posted.)
3. Deciding that I'm a Vandy fan. Where he even came up with this theory, I have no idea. Hasn't Vandy owned Kentucky in recent years more than just about any team in America?
I do like the semi-positive Vandy connotation in his mind, graduating from Vandy is a good thing, maybe, but I'm still a jerk.
4. He's going to remedy Vandy's dominance via "at least a semi-annual butt-kicking in basketball." Credit where credit is due, the correct use of the term semi-annual (did you know it meant every six months or twice a year?). I honestly thought semi-annual meant it didn't happen every year. So did every intelligent Kentucky fan I forwarded this email to. So, clearly, this guy is a tobacco farmer.
5. Really? A Nashville hotel room booked 10 months in advance? People do this? You can't even book airline tickets this far in advance most places. You better hope the crops come in strong.
6. But my favorite part? Basketball being capitalized in the final sentence. It's like he's writing this email with quill and ink back in 1785.
7. Okay, and the email address? Be honest, how many different name combinations did he try before Katsfan99@aol.com worked? The over under is 25.
Am I the only person who sometimes wishes everyone in the South with an IQ over 90 could colonize our own team and only sell t-shirts to people who could correctly spell our coach's name? Dare to dream, dare to dream.
Clearly this person didn't know how to protect themselves from Ramar's thievery, live on the left side of the apartment complex. Has there ever been a top-ranked point guard who couldn't dribble with his left hand? How do scouts miss this? Ramar went right every single play.
It reminds me of a funny story from high school at Martin Luther King. Our point guard was getting torched by the opposing team's point guard. There was just one catch, that kid only had a right arm.
Coach Doc Shelton got in our point guard's face and said, "How you lettin' him cross you over? He ain't got but one arm, he's going right!"
Same with Ramar. Only now he's not going anywhere. Anyone else have flashbacks to how much different the world might have been if Ramar had managed to hit that running lay-up over Greg Oden in the Sweet 16 two years ago?
Sigh.
Me too.
After Ramar, Daniel West, and Bobby Maze, can we all acknowledge that Pearl's one failing as a coach is his inability to identify a decent point guard?
Yeah, I don't think you want to roll with that line of logic Jimbo. What we really need is someone on the payroll of the Rose Bowl to walk us through the great complexity that is college football. Man, social security reform, Mid-East peace, college football playoffs, stopping Iran from getting a nuclear bomb. These are all such complex issues. How will we ever survive?
Raise your hand if you think the guy who was the editor-in-chief of the Harvard Law Review might, just might, be able to get a handle on the inner workings of college football?
Thought so.
Granted this is probably one of those gotcha journalism interviews where Delany talked to the reporter for three hours and then he pulled one sentence out to make a story but, still, it makes Jim Delany seem like a pompous asshat. Which I'm convinced is an accurate portrayal.
The 59-year-old woman told police she was at her home about 8:30 a.m. sitting at the computer when she heard a knock at the window. The blinds were closed or mostly closed, and when she looked out the window she saw a man masturbating.
The man was described as being about 5 feet 10 inches tall and in his 20s. He reportedly had dreadlocks and wore a white T-shirt and dark pants, and had a muscular build. An officer spotted a muscular man on a bicycle, and when the woman was taken to the man, the woman said, “That’s him.”
The man, identified as McIntyre, was wearing black shorts, and a blue pullover hoodie with a silver long sleeve shirt underneath. The woman said she was certain McIntyre was the man she saw outside her window.
McIntyre, who grew up in Indiantown, denied masturbating or exposing himself. He said he was on his daily bicycle exercise route and offered to show the route to officers.
This whole thing is high comedy. Unless you were the one accused.
“We had to wait for the results of a polygraph test which Corey submitted to and passed before we could say anything further regarding these outrageous and harmful allegations,” Tessler said via an e-mail sent to us and other reporters. “When Corey was arrested he was simply riding his bike on the same route he did every day as part of his normal workout routine. Once the accuser’s description didn’t add up and the police told him he was clear, an officer even called the Bills to let them know they had the wrong guy.
“That’s why it’s unbelievable that two full months later they decided to put out a warrant for him. This horrible case of misidentification has caused Corey and his family a great deal of pain and embarrassment. Like I said before, Corey McIntyre is one of the highest character people I’ve known and the last guy who would do what he’s been accused of. We’ll continue to take an aggressive approach to clearing his name so he can get back to work and put this injustice behind him.”
That's all well and good, but what if McIntrye is such a good public masturbator that he can beat a lie-detector test? Aren't these things just 87% accurate? Although, to be fair, I think I would fail every lie detector test related to masturbation because I'd be terrified of questions that couldn't be answered properly.
Question: "When did you stop wearing headphones while watching computer porn so the people in the next door hotel room couldn't hear you?"
Anybody else think that every interviewer is trying to make news now when they talk to Kiffin? Did you see how this guy slid in the Robert Marve question to try and get Kiffin to slip up?
Anyway, more Gator takeaway Kiffin's mother-in-law, father-in-law and wife are all Gators. Imagine the hell that's going to break loose when Urban Meyer leaves for Notre Dame and Florida tries to hire Kiffin.
Every time I see a quote like James Harrison's about Obama and the White House, I think that this footage will run 200 years from now as evidence of how America crumbled. We've constructed a society where James Harrison makes more money than the entire staff of an average high school. Yeah, yeah, I know the market values what he can do, and the reality is he probably pours every cent he makes back into the economy but, still, James Harrison, really? Is it possible that you're this stupid.
For the past couple of months you can't escape Twitter, it's everywhere. Especially as it pertains to sports. But I don't understand why. It makes no sense. Let me ask you this, when was the last time that a college coach merely doing something new got covered by the media? I mean that seriously. We were around when television began, but did newspapers all run articles about football and basketball coaches buying televisions? Did they feature quotes about how cool television was? "Today General Neyland watched television. He was fascinated by the moving images."
Radios?
Fielding Yost was moved by music appearing without the use of a piano or a gramophone. "It's like magic," Yost said, "magic music."
Honestly, I'm serious. I don't remember reading articles discussing coaches getting e-mail addresses so they could surf the information superhighway. I ask because all of these examples, televisions, radios, and e-mail addresses are much more culturally relevant than Twitter will ever be. Yet we've all heard a ton about Twitter and college athletics. Every single coach in America has had to answer questions about whether or not he has a Twitter account. I don't get it. It's like every single member of the mainstream media has stock options in Twitter and feels compelled to question coaches about it at every opportunity.
(I withdraw all criticisms if press conference briefings confirm that in 1994 every single college coach in America faced this question, "Have you been on the eBay, coach?")
Twitter is Friendster with a less cool name, digital graffiti with less staying power than gum on the undersides of desks. And now it's a new route to NCAA violations.
F'ing Twitter. It's going to be the death of all of us. Lane Kiffin has committed another secondary violation via twit. And by via twit, I mean his assistant has done it. Credit to reader Ian P. who sent me this tip mere minutes after the twit went up.
Lane Kiffin twitted:
It's a beautiful day in Knoxville, Tennessee today. I was so excited to hear that J.C. Copeland committed to play for the Vols today!
Ian writes: "Isn't this tweet a violation of NCAA rules on discussing commits who have not signed?
I hate Twitter. Because most people on there aren't even sending their own twits. There is some poor pr guy sitting at a computer who has to update things.
The number of Kiffin goatee posts continue to grow at an alarming rate. We need an over/under for the 2009 season to determine what the success/failure ratio is.
Michigan Depression: Ohio State Buys Taunting Banner Downtown
Losing to your most hated rival is tough, very tough. Especially in college football where you have to spend the next 364 days marinating in the bitter stew of your defeat. The only thing worse than losing to your rival is losing to your rival in consecutive years. Three years in a row is worse than that and so on and so forth. Worst of all? When your bitter rival does something so debilitating that you don't even know how to respond.
That happened last Thursday in downtown Detroit when a billboard went up that read, "Congratulations Michigan on 2000 days since the big win over Ohio State." Who's responsible for the billboard? An Ohio State fan site of course.
I'm calling for the SEC to put up a billboard in Covington, Kentucky counting down the number of days since Ohio State last beat an SEC team. Michigan can help pay.
Listen live here. Chad Withrow and I will be talking about Ohio State shaming Michigan with a billboard, John Wall, and what sports rule you could change if you could change any single rule.
Best quote from the entire series of 25 portraits? “I’m not broke; I’m just not liquid,” 45-year-old Holyfield claimed when he narrowly avoided charges that he was around $9,000 behind in court-ordered child support payments.
"Make no mistake about it -- our struggles are officially over."
I want that on Cal's tombstone.
He was also kind enough to say, "I don't think Bobby Maze can guard him." Which, to be fair, is true. Bobby Maze also can't guard me. Or Stephen Pearl. But that's neither here nor there.
I just can't wait to see how Cal screws Kentucky. Just thinking about it makes me giddy.
In the meantime, ESPN programmers are exchanging high-fives for the television package.
Charles Barkley's Swing...Still In Need Of Some Work
This video is exactly why I would never tee off with a crowd watching. (Leaving aside the clear point that no one would ever want to watch me golf.) I don't even like standing remotely in front of anyone while they golf. Even, at times, I don't like standing to the side of people. Why?
My friend Giller once hit me with his tee shot even though I was standing five feet behind him.
DTFI?
Not hardly, Charles, not hardly.
Be honest though, the guy sunken to one knee in the Alabama hat. At least if you're Charles it was a guy in an Alabama hat, right?
This is real, and this is bad ass. 186 foot waterfall on a kayak? Big deal. These guys don't even know how tall the waterfall is. Meet Tyler Bradt, who just set a new world record for waterfalls and kayaks.
How can anyone ever beat this?
Guess who is the early leader on the beaver pelt trader of the week?
Tony Kornheiser Out At Monday Night Football: Jon Gruden In
I've said in several interviews that it was Tony Kornheiser who really showed me what a good sports column could be. When I got to Washington, D.C., I'd never heard of Kornheiser, by midway through my freshman year in 1997 I was in love with him. I rushed out to the Barnes & Noble in Georgetown to buy his collection of columns that had been released as two books, came back home singing the praises of Kornheiser to anyone who would listen. I loved his radio show, and was legitimately sad about leaving him behind when I headed back to Nashville for law school. Then came PTI. All of this worked perfectly. But Monday Night Football was never a perfect fit. And today Jon Gruden is being announced as Kornheiser's replacement.
Quoth Kornheiser:
“I am totally grateful for the MNF opportunity that I truly enjoyed the last three seasons. I feel we got better each year. My fear of planes is legendary and sadly true. When I looked at the upcoming schedule it was the perfect storm that would've frequently moved me from the bus to the air.
"I kept looking at the schedule the past month and wanted to find a way to quietly extricate myself. If I could handpick a replacement of a football guy, I would cast a net and drag in Jon Gruden. He is the two things you most want -- smart and funny -- and has the two things I don't -- good hair and a tan.
Can someone not hire Tony to come back and do a column? Seeing a columnist issuing a press release is just wrong. Anyone who has ever written a sports column that was the least bit funny owes a tremendous debt to Kornheiser. He was, and still is, the most entertaining columnist I have ever read.
The Mind of Mike Leach: The 64 Team College Football Playoff
Friday, May 15, 2009
Included in a rigorous character analysis of Leach is a breakdown of how our lives would all be different if there was a 64 team college football playoff. Enjoy it here. In case you were wondering my infatuation is still alive and well.
All That and a Bag of Mail: Lane Kiffin Show Edition
I've gotten so many of you sending me the Lane Kiffin show of late, that I'm finally linking two. Above Kiffin interviews Fulmer. This is actually kind of how I think it would go.
Fulmer's British accent is, paradoxically, perfect.
Here's Marlon Brown's grandmother.
Whoever does these come forward and take your bow. At least for this week, you get the beaver pelt. Anonymous-style, wild boys.
Richard S. writes:
Clay,
Have a new apostrophe name for you. I'm working a local political campaign and while entering voters into a database I came across the name "Cle'shay." My only guess is that this is pronounced the same as cliche. Maybe apostrophe names have become so common that the name is appropriate.
The irony meter is off the charts. This might be my new favorite apostrophe name. And that's really saying something. R.G. writes:
Clay, I work in football recruiting for a Division 1 school that doesn't tend to get "5 star" caliber players. In fact, the program has never gotten a single 5-star player...possibly not a 4-star either, not real sure. Everyday I am in the office I deal with the tracking and scouting of players in some capacity. My point for you to consider is this: As a school that predominantly recruits 2 and 3 star kids, I know for a fact that there are A TON more of those players floating around for programs to grab. In saying that just 11 out of 28 5 stars from 2005 were drafted, you aren't really giving the other side of things. Sure 135 two stars were drafted, and 65 three stars, but I'm not sure you really have any clue how many of those players there are out there. The number is staggering. I challenge you to figure out the percentages of total three star players to the number of three star players drafted (or total two stars to two stars drafted) . I think that the rankings would actually show that the higher the star ranking, the higher the percentage is of a player making it to the NFL. If anything it would be interesting, but I'm pretty sure I'd be right about this. Our database has over 5,000 kids added each year...because we aren't getting those top 150 or so 4 and 5 star players, we are having to look at the rest and extensively evaluate from that pool of players. Trust me, that pool tends to feature an ungodly number of 2 and 3 star players.
Matt Hinton at Dr. Saturday did the work already. Here's his breakdown. Five-stars had a 1 in 8 chance of being drafted in the first round vs. 1 in 21 for for four-stars, 1 in 107 for three stars and 1 in 412 for two stars. So the point is taken, and I knew that there were many more players available in the lower star areas.
But here's the deal, you still don't find it shocking that five-stars in 2005 were twice as likely to be arrested as be drafted in the first round? I'm not saying Rivals misses on everyone. Clearly they don't. But for the amount of attention given to top recruits in college football (where everything leads up to one signing day, mind you instead of like college basketball where top players commit really early and can sign twice), it's still a crapshoot. Just 12% on average of five-stars are first rounders. That's amazing to me. Amazingly low.
But your point is taken, that's why I included this paragraph in my column.
Now it's important to note that there are many more two- and three-star recruits in the country than there are four- and five-star recruits. But I'd always believed, mistakenly it turns out, that the size of the NFL draft made it fairly likely that just about every five-star recruit, the jewels of every recruiting class, would get drafted. The reality isn't true. Not even close.
I think most fans are operating under the assumption that most-five stars get drafted. They don't. But the arrest record was shocking.
Ben writes:
Clay,
Knowing your love of the apostrophe name, I gotta let you know about this guy. I got assigned to his habeas case at work. His name? L' Rich Beethoven Wilson. His crimes? Burglary (most recent), stat rape, and child molestation. I guess with the good, you also have to take the bad.
Enjoy. I'm due in court with him on May 18. Shall I send your regards?
Regards? Can he play offensive line? Offer that man a scholarship. (Lane Kiffin'd)
It's no surprise that fans of the apostrophe are also symphony fans, both make melodic music.
Ryan P. writes:
Clay,
If I don't get to play NCAA Football 2011, I'm going to hold you personally responsible for calling the NCAA on their crap. Give me a solution that can do away with this mess.
Well, clearly the NCAA should hire me as their consultant on this lawsuit. I'll be awaiting the call or the email. In the meantime, I think the play is pretty simple here for the future. The reality is your average college athlete loves being on the game. So the NCAA should take advantage of this and create an opt-out provision for players who don't wish to be featured.
They should also give each player, say, five free copies of the game to do with as they see fit. That serves as a payment of sorts, but, and let's be honest here, the NCAA allows payments all the time. Players get meal money on the road, they get the most expensive plane flight fares for bowl games, they get gifts from the bowl committee that are limited to a certain value.
So I think that would probably work going forward.
For past transgressions? Man, hope the NCAA's motions to dismiss are impeccable.
Okay, I'm off to buy swimming diapers for Fox. This is what my life has become. We're going to the pool.
Kiffin Continues to Gig Gators: "You can tell she's a Florida grad, she's been drinking all day."
Now at least Kiffin seems to have gotten the memo on what's acceptable to say about your rivals. Arriving at a Young Professionals of Knoxville (insert your own joke here), we get this first hand report from DeepVol.:
"Coach Kiffin came in about ten minutes later to thunderous applause. Spoke for about five minutes on how to be successful and the need to surround yourself with people smarter than you, so that you will be challenged and not just agreed with etc.
The best part was that as soon as he walked in the door the three local stations camera men came out of nowhere and started rolling. Coach Kiffin was supposed to be introduced by one of the officer's of YPK, the officer in question was a Florida grad. Kiffin found this out prior and of course had a laugh at her expense. Calling everyone's attention to that fact. She was a little embarrassed but played along and mentioned that she was very glad that he was in town now and that she was really looking forward to September.
Not missing a beat Kiffin said "Well, you can tell she is a Florida Gator, she's been drinking all day." Making mention of the beer in her had. Again laughter from everyone including her. The funniest part was as soon as he said it turned to look at the cameras at the side of the room and said "Aw man, they got me again."
I'm telling you, I said it months ago, Kiffin is rapidly moving towards joke immunity. Pretty soon he's going to walk into a room, drop his pants, defecate on a Florida Gator flag, and newscasters are going to be like, "Is that really news?"
Except for Urban Meyer, who will immediately call a press conference and say, "I want you to hear this straight from me." Clenched jaw. "I am a Florida Gator and I do not drink all day. I'm offended. I think Coach Kiffin owes the state of Florida an apology."
Never has a quarterback with 9 career college touchdown passes been more sought after. Here's my take at FanHouse that just went up. Rumors surfaced yesterday from down in Tampa (Deadwood-South) that Marve would be walking on with Tennessee. Which got me wondering, when was the last time a quarterback transfer really worked out, i.e. led to a conference championship? In other words, I think all the excitement that quarterback transfers engender is generally wasted.
But here's the real question. For all the attention paid to Marve's transfer, how many quarterbacks transferred from one big school to another big school and won a conference championship? Troy Aikman led UCLA to a share of the Pac-10 title in 1987 after transferring from Oklahoma and Colt Brennan left Colorado to lead Hawaii all the way to the Sugar Bowl in 2007-08, though Hawaii isn't a BCS-level school. Surely there are others, but my point is a quarterback leaving and finding success in different college football pastures is pretty rare.
By the way, for those of you who have asked, I'm going to be doing a column/post/something about college athletics every day for FanHouse. Some will be funny and some will just examine questions that I don't think get covered that well other places. Basically it's the ClayNation column only with more flexibility in college athletics than I had at CBS. Probably 7k or so words a week. So plenty of distractions. Especially in conjunction with this site. Which we're going to be redoing soon.
A few years ago at the good ole U of T had our shot on the Daily Show to weigh in about contemporary issues. Not about honorary degrees or anything academic, but about something much more important: Jessica Simpson in the Dukes of Hazzard movie. And we got Colbert.
Enjoy.
(As a side note, I actually know the guys in the video. This wasn't an act. The show took them out for a liquid lunch, and, well, in vino veritas.)
Every second of this story is outstanding as well.
If you're looking for a really entertaining series of interviews on sportswriters and other sports luminaries, Real Clear Sports has a tremendous series going right now. They've done 13 of them, and I guarantee you'll enjoy every one. You can read them here. I've been meaning to link to these for a while. Enjoy.
Obama's Supreme Court Shortlist Leaked: Sotamize Us
Personally I'm rooting for Judge Sotomayor because I'm going to sell t-shirts during the nomination that say: Sotamy is legal. Basically, there's a lot of fun that can be had between Sotomayor and sodomy, right? Crickets? Right?
From the AP:
Officials familiar with Obama's deliberations say other people are also being discussed, including names that have not triggered public speculation.
Among those Obama is considering are Solicitor General Elena Kagan, Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano and U.S. Appeals Court judges Sonia Sotomayor and Diane Pamela Wood. California Supreme Court Justice Carlos Moreno is also under review by Obama.
This list differs from President Bush's initial shortlist:
a. the guy who got me off the DUI in D.C. (can't remember name)
Virginia Law Students Create Greatest Law Video Ever
This won the Above the Law contest. For anyone who has taken Con Law, they've managed to do the impossible, make Con Law absolutely hysterical. I liked Con Law. Not as much as I liked all the people who wanted to make a living working in Con Law (good luck with that), but still, it was pretty impressive. But nowhere near as impressive as this video.
By the way, Asian girl in the video, you go to UVa, really? She's getting a ton of summer associate offers.
Last week, a Florida high school principal, Ariel (like the Little Mermaid, how cute) Arejo, refused to allow a Tennessee assistant coach to enter campus and extend a scholarship offer to one of his students. Why? Because he's still upset over comments Lane Kiffin made last February after signing another Pahokee student, Nu'Keese Richardson.
Why might Principal Arejo be upset? I don't know, it could have something to do with the fact that his public profile page for Pahokee High School features a Florida Gator at the bottom [Now removed]. Alongside this quote, "I would also like for every student to graduate and go to college." What needs to be added to the end of the quote is this, "Unless they go to Tennessee." No matter which school you support, I think we can all agree, this is ridiculous and a colossal misplacement of school time, energy and focus.
I posted something on this a few days ago, but that was before I'd read the complaint. Now I've got a more detailed take on things. It went up on FanHouse this afternoon, so you can take a look here. We spent quite a bit of time talking about it tonight on the ClayNation radio show.
Here's a two paragraph takeaway:
On May 5, 2009 former Arizona State and Nebraska quarterback Sam Keller filed a class-action lawsuit alleging that EA Sports and the NCAA unlawfully used player images in their NCAA football and basketball video games. The lawsuit (read it here) received quite a bit of initial attention, but no one pointed out the most fascinating angle of the case, the NCAA is being accused of violating their own rules of amateurism, selling the rights to the players that they're supposed to protect.
Yep, the NCAA, baronial ruler of the collegiate landscape, investigator of impropriety from sea to shining sea, protector of amateur athletics, may be in need of investigation themselves. Oh, the delicious irony. What's at stake in Sam Keller's lawsuit? Only every game and every record featuring NCAA athletes in football and basketball over the past decade. Thankfully, this lawsuit falls right in my legal expertise; I'm a lawyer with a decent knowledge of NCAA regulations and a great knowledge of NCAA video games. As I read this lawsuit, I began to realize that it's much bigger than a video game, the lawsuit makes a really bold statement, it accuses the NCAA of violating their own rules of amateurism.
Josh McNeil the guest on ClayNation Radio Tonight at 7
Chad Withrow and I will be talking with Tennessee center Josh McNeil tonight. McNeil has started 35 games on the O-Line at Tennessee, is a really smart and interesing guy, is a fan of Dixieland Delight, and will be featured extensively in On Rocky Top. But in the meantime, he's going to talk with us about what playing for his fourth different offensive coordinator is like, how he thinks the Kiffin offense will differ from what we've seen before, and tons of other great information. Listen live here or if you're in the Nashville area on 104.5.
Also, I'm bailing for the rest of the day, hitting the links for the first time in way too long.
The fast-rising Booker T. Washington (Miami,Fla.) prospect needed to call University of Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin and become the Volunteers' third verbal commitment of the 2010 class. The mammoth prospect picked the Vols over both Florida and Georgia and boasted 19 formal offers from high-profile programs across the country.
"I was in my first-period class, economics. I'd been thinking about it for a week or so," said the 6-foot-2-inch, 355-pound mauler. "It felt like the best time and Tennessee has been the school that's really been wanting me and that I felt good about, so I asked to go to the bathroom and called him."
Amazingly, there appears to be no explanation for how he ended up with the same first and last name. But he's the clubhouse leader in the SEC for most ridiculous name.
I loved PunchOut. Those were the days. Sitting in front of the tiny black and white screen timing the flick of the button. Dodging the Bald Bull. Man, I loved that game. The youtube promotional video linked above? Not bad. But I wish they'd let me have a crack at making this instead.
Five-Star Obsessed? Check Out Rivals Class of 2005
There were 28 five-stars in 2005. Only 11 of them have been drafted so far. 14 have been arrested. I'm as recruiting obsessed as the rest of you, but I think this tells us how worthless the Rivals rankings can be. Read my break-down here.
Last fall, my wife came downstairs at 3 a.m. to find me watching high school highlight videos in the darkness of my office. She thought I was looking at porn. In a way, I was. Rivals recruiting rankings are every bit as fantastical as the finest creations in the Vivid Video stable. We think if we stare long enough at the five-stars we can predict the next two Heisman Trophy winners, the reality is we're more likely to predict the campus police blotter.
Because for the vast majority of Rivals' five-star prospects the moment the rankings are released, the players have reached the pinnacle of their football careers. It's all downhill, and we'll be there to watch the slide. Asking all the while, "How could this have ever happened?"
Wanda Sykes: "Who Voted For the Mulatto?" "Lincoln's Nipples" "McCain's Wife's Helicopter"
Monday, May 11, 2009
From the White House Correspondent's Dinner.
Here's part two.
The Rush Limbaugh oyxcontin line brought down the house. Including Padman Lakshmi. Who I'm in love with thanks to the Hardee's commercials. That's the only commercial I stop when I'm rolling through on the DVR.
Ole Miss gets my vote for turning the lights out and breaking out the glow sticks. Tennessee kept the lights on. Which probably lessens the odds of sexual assault in the library, but makes for a less boring rave.
I know it's a minority opinion, but I've come to love Spencer Pratt more than any other television character who doesn't appear on Friday Night Lights, The Office, or 30 Rock. His ability to play the media is borderline genius. But, and here's the deal, I don't get his infatuation with Playboy. It seems very early 1990's 11 year old to me.
Why still sing the praises of the magazine?
Because the number of people who actually read Playboy now is dwindling. Don't get me wrong, they have great articles, but the naked photos look like they're from a bygone era, like tintype westerns. I don't understand why anyone would go there for naked women, I just don't. But then I saw the end result to his diabolical game, Heidi is coming to Playboy. He's been using The Hills to draw them into his web of self-promotion and money. And I'll buy the issue.
What's more I'll probably watch the television episodes about Heidi's mom flipping out and hating the idea.
2. Colt McCoy, quarterback, Texas -- One of the weirdest things to come out of the state of Texas recently, and that's saying something, is Governor Rick Perry's endorsement of secession. Even stranger? Half of all Texas Republicans favor this course of action. Let me repeat that, half of all the Republicans in Texas want their state to secede from the United States.
I have no idea why more people aren't paying attention to this. Anyway, McCoy was born in New Mexico, but his dad brought dirt from Texas so he'd born above Texas soil. Seriously.
Can you imagine what would happen if the secessionists actually managed to secede? I'm picturing McCoy sitting up all night in his Austin dorm room, pacing from one side of the room to the other, the Robert E. Lee of modern college football. On the one hand, he has the nation, on the other hand he has Texas. And you know what, I think McCoy would pick Texas.
Assuming Texas stays in the union, McCoy should endorse arm floaties. He saved a man from drowning before he even took a starting snap at Texas, the least he can do is protect everyone on Lake Travis from making him save them again.
Sorry for the limited posts today. 2k plus words going up on FanHouse sometime soon from me. Plus, I've been on daddy duty this week. Not to mention getting Steeplechase lined up. Can't wait.
We're in spot 1484 on the infield for anyone who sees this between now and then and wants to swing by and have a beer.
I get an awful lot of questions from aspiring writers. That's very flattering because I don't believe I've published anything that suggests I should be looked to for advice. Some of you are much younger than me which makes me feel old, but writing is cyclical, a generational pass of the baton.
In college I read a book called The Black Flower by Howard Bahr. It's the best Civil War novel that's ever been written. The book focuses on the Battle of Franklin and is dark, haunting, uplifting and compelling. After I read the book, my mom sent the book to Bahr to be autographed. I got it back in time for Christmas, along with a type-written letter encouraging me to pursue writing. We corresponded for several months and eventually Bahr told me he'd buy my first book when it came out.
He's just one of a few writers who I've had the good fortune to learn from: Tony Earley, whose The Prophet from Jupiter is the best short-story I've ever read, Lorraine Lopez, and Nancy Reisman at Vanderbilt. George Washington University writers Vikram Chandra, Maxine Clair, Faye Moskowitz, and Dan Barden, you name it and I've been fortunate to learn from some very skilled practitioners. All of these people showed me that writing a book was something that a normal person could do. Studying creative writing in college is unique because the class connects in a way unlike any other classes I've ever taken. You're sharing more than just your presence, you're sharing a part of yourself.
Interacting with writers was important because growing up I was a voracious reader, but I didn't know a single writer. My mom would take me to Nashville's Davis-Kidd bookstore to see some of my favorite writers when they came through town for book-signings. There was something mystical about seeing a writer then. Even if, sometimes, the writers were assholes. When I was 13, I carried a copy of Shelby Foote's, The Civil War: A Narrative, the first volume, up to him and asked for his autograph.
Did I mention I was 13?
I held out the book, my voice cracked, and I said, "Mr. Foote, can I have your autograph?"
Foote looked down at me from his podium, shook his head in my direction, and said, "I only sign books for close personal friends."
This did nothing to persuade me that writers were approachable. And I swore then and there that I'd never turn down anyone who ever asked me to sign their book. No matter what else I was doing. And I still haven't.
Already I couldn't count the number of times I'd walked over to the fiction aisle in a bookstore, strolled to the T's, slid down to the ground, and run my finger along the spine of books until I came to the T's, eventually the Tr's looked where my book might be one day. I bet I did this a thousand times. Now I'm grown. Going into a bookstore and seeing your book inside on the shelf never gets old. Ever.
My first semester at George Washington, when I took my first ever creative writing class, I would walk into bookstores and look for Vikram Chandra's book. Why? Because I actually knew an author. He'd read some of my own stories. Suddenly the gap between dreaming of writing books didn't seem as large. I knew a person who'd written an actual book!
Now I know writing is one of the most humbling of all experiences, because you never quite succeed as well as you'd like and you're always doing it alone. I've tried to strip away some of the mystery of writing by always being accessible. Also because I don't think writing is really that mysterious, I think you just sit down and try to get better every day.
In the fall of 2007, I taught introductory creative writing at Vanderbilt. I absolutely loved it. My kids were smart, engaging, and I could attempt to convey some of what I'd learned. When it comes to writing, I'm far from an expert. I break grammatical rules, don't pay as much attention to each word as I should, still don't understand exactly where commas should go, explore tangents, write faster than I should, and write like people talk, as if we're having a long conversation.
Teaching creative writing was amazing because it forced me to strip away everything else and consider what I'd learned by reading, writing, and trying to get better for most of my life. As I said when I started, lots of you have emailed me about writing and I've not always had the time to give great advice in my responses. So I'm going to pin this thing somewhere on the ClayTravis.net site. I'm not sure it will be particularly helpful for everyone, but it's helpful to me. And I hope to you as well.
Here's the writing advice I passed out to my Vanderbilt students on the final day of class:
Octavio Paz once said, “There is no truth only stories.” He was right.
1. Be fearless. Being honest with your writing means some people are going to hate you. But you can't get better if you're worried about that.
2. Steal from your life, your friend’s lives, your made-up friend’s lives in order to make your stories better. Mix and match details from stories and create something better than existed before.
3. Read a ton and most importantly read what you like over what gets assigned in class. You’ll learn so much more. Ask yourself our foundational questions: a. what’s this story in a sentence b. who is the narrator of this story and how are they talking to me and 3. what’s the setting here
I don't really think you can nail a story until you can tell it to me in a sentence. It amazes me how many people read without breaking down who the narrator is and where the story is set. That's foundational, basic.
4. Every time you read something and wish you had written it, read everything else that writer has written. If possible read the books in the order that he or she wrote them to learn alongside them as a writer. Make yourself their apprentice. Read aggressively to find out what they did that worked so well. You won't necessarily see it the first time you read it, but soon you will.
5. Don’t be a story snob. You can learn from any type of story in any medium. People who talk down television shows, movies, epic poems, youtube user generated content, or any other medium that allows the conveyance of stories, are imbeciles. Don’t listen to them. Truly great storytellers transcend the medium in which they work.
6. Jot down notes all day long about details or images that strike you as fascinating. I do this all the time. It beats staring at a blank screen.
7. Take advantage of your creations. Sometimes the best parts of a story are unintentional, when you create them in your own stories take advantage of them.
8. Put on the writer’s hat and the reader’s hat every day of your life. It fits easier the more often you wear it and it's important to experience things from outside your own head. Tinker, find out what works.
9. Just do it every day. Make time to write and don’t allow yourselves any excuses. Treat writing like exercise at the gym. You go there and you do it and you might not like it but you like the result. Start with a half-hour a day. Work your way up. Set up a watch. When the time ends, quit for the day.
10. Prepare for rejection. Faulkner said it takes 200 rejections to get to 0. I've got four completed and unpublished novels on my computer hard drive. Keep it up.
11. Write stories that you want to read.
12. Be your own toughest critic. The world is brutal. Some people derive pleasure in producing nothing of their own but only attacking the work of others. Deal with it. Those people are miserable. Don't let them make you the same.
13. For most of your life, people who tell you that you can't do something will talk louder than the people who tell you that you can do something. I've never been someone who listened to people who focus on what can't happen. You shouldn't be either.
Sam Keller, former Arizona State Quarterback, Sues Electronic Arts
I'm assuming it's a class-action suit, but I haven't read it. Otherwise why would a lawyer touch this case? Anyway, in his lawsuit Keller asserts, by way of CNBC's Darren Rovell:
Electronic Arts doesn't include the players names in the games, but Keller's suit contends that EA "intentionally circumvents the prohibitions on utilizing student athletes' names in commercial ventures by allowing gamers to upload entire rosters, which include players' names and other information."
Keller says that the NCAA and its licensing arm, Collegiate Licensing Company, have approved the use of players names and likenesses.
"With rare exception, virtually every real-life Division I football or basketball player in the NCAA has a corresponding player in Electronic Arts' games with the same jersey number, and virtually identical height, weight, build, and home state. In addition, Electronic Arts matches the player's skin tone, hair color, and often even a player's hair style, although this last characteristic can be highly variable over even a single season."
Think about this, say EA pays out $20 million to settle the lawsuit. There are 4k or so players on every game. Each of them is entitled to payment for the appropriation of their likeness. Only the NCAA forbids the use of their images for commercial gain. So they've won a settlement (a judgment could happen too but there's no way a case like this ever goes to trial), but they can't collect if they want to keep playing college football.
How ridiculous would that be? Even if the payments went to the players after they graduated, they'd be retroactively rewarded for their play. Which is still illegal, because they're being paid for something they did while playing the sport. So the entire NCAA record book would have to be wiped clean because every player accepted improper benefits.
Is your head spinning yet?
Welcome to the NCAA rabbit hole. Take the pill, do it, do it.
If I'd been in charge of public relations, which I'm not, and I wanted to take Daniel Hood as a scholarship football player, I would have taken him and stated that he was redshirting for his freshman season. If he fulfilled all requirements as a redshirt, then he'd be eligible to play football at UT. As is, Tennessee can be criticized for chasing after a kid that, whaddya know, fills a position of need. Here's my write-up at FanHouse where I grapple with the idea of how far second chances extend. Like I said, this is a tough call, I don't really begrudge anyone their opinion on this matter.
I do have some issues with phrases that are being thrown around regarding this story.
1. You can't rest on the nebulous term "character issues" with a case like this. The facts are dirty, uncomfortable, and ugly. I think that means they need to be seen if they're publicly available, which they are. That's why I included the facts from the appeal. Not including the details of his crime makes it very easy to play the second chance card.
2. What does second chance mean? Hood already got his second chance. He's not in jail, and he's eligible to head off to college and major in whatever he wants. Good for him, I hope he succeeds in life. But does that mean that as part of the second chance, he absolutely has to play football at a major university? I don't think so.
3. No more talk about redemption in a sports context. Sports isn't about redemption in this context; you can redeem yourself on the field for sports failings, not personal failings. It completely trivializes the seriousness of his crime to suggest that if he gets 14 sacks in a season on defense or doesn't give up a sack as a four-year starter on the offensive line, he's somehow helped to make up for what he did. He hasn't...at all. Nothing he does on a football field matters in relation to what he did when he was 13. It just doesn't.
4. The flouncing around of the victim's letter that says she's forgiven him as if this clears the slate or legitimizes any decision by the university. Whatever friendship or rancor the two are able to create, that's between them. The relationship at question here is between the university and Daniel Hood. I think interjecting the victim here artificially hides that dynamic.
He has earmarked the tickets he receives for that Sept. 5 opener against Western Kentucky for his cousin, who is now married, has a child, and lives in Virginia.
"The first tickets I get are hers," Hood said. "Without her support, I wouldn't have this second chance. It's opened a lot of doors for me.
"She could have hated me for the rest of her life, but she's chosen to forgive me and we've been able to become family again."
So the woman he raped gets his free football tickets?
I have no idea what this means. But it's pretty awesome. Just the kind of cookie cake you've always wanted.
Alright, So one of my buddies in school, his girlfriend goes to the Dental School. One of her friends got her a birthday cake from a local shop. Could have gone for "Fudgie the Whale" but instead she wanted a custom option...something more personal and meaningful, dental school related. So she filled out the order form at the Cake shop, went to pick up the cake and this is what she got.
Maury Povich Offers to Host John Edwards For Who's Your Dadd DNA Test
Oh man, those of you who read Rough Draft know of my affinity for the Who's Your Daddy shows. Now John Edwards is in a tough spot. There's nothing better than your wife going on Oprah and speculating about whether you fathered a child with another woman. Except Maury Povich to the rescue.
Here in Washington, there's plenty of buzz about whether former presidential candidate John Edwards is the father of onetime mistress Rielle Hunter's year-old baby. Edwards' wife, Elizabeth, appeared on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" for an interview slated to run Thursday and said that she had "no idea" whether her husband is the father of Hunter's daughter.
"I've seen a picture of the baby," Edwards told Winfrey. "It doesn't look like my children, but I don't have any idea."
The identity of the child's father may forever remain a mystery, but not if Povich has his way and applies a bit of his "Who's Your Daddy?" magic: He told the POLITICO podcast that he's inviting Edwards and Hunter to come on in order to determine the baby's father. "We'd even do the testing for free," said Povich.
Many thanks to all the callers on the ClayNation radio. We went from drafting hot chicks to talking about books. All in the same week. Meanwhile Tebow's jerseys continue to fly off the shelves. Same with the Tebow panties.
But is anyone else troubled by the irony of the University of Florida, they of the Tim Tebow No. 15 jerseys that are available across the country, profiting off Tebow while Tebow himself can't?
It's time for players to get some say in what the university's who sell their jerseys do with the money they literally make off the player's back. NCAA regulations forbid a player from profiting off his own jersey sales. We can argue about whether or not that makes sense, personally I think it's a fig-leaf that merely shifts the money-making from the player to the university; but why can't we split the difference? Allow a player like Tebow the ability to direct the profit from jersey sales that feature his number to a charity of his choice.
I'm not quite calling for paying players, but I do think players should get the right to direct the profits on their jersey sales to worthy causes. If they so choose.
Tennessee's Newest Football Recruit Once Assisted in the Rape of His Cousin With a Bathroom Plunger
Daniel Hood has offers from most of the SEC schools. He's a 6'5 255 pound Knoxville private school grad who projects as an offensive tackle. He had good grades, scored well on the ACT, and received offers from schools like Stanford and UCLA. So that's all positive. You can see his offer sheet here. All of that sounds pretty good. As a 13 year old he was convicted of kidnapping and aggravated rape of his first cousin with a toilet plunger after covering the majority of her body in duct tape.
Bruce Pearl Introduces His Girlfriend (with video!)
Monday, May 4, 2009
My favorite part is the UT fan (presumably the filmer) saying to his friend, "We've seen her before at these things, haven't we?"
As if he's unsure.
Trust me, as one who has been to alumni events before for many schools, it's all men and women who are no longer capable of procreation at these caravan stops. There is zero doubt these guys would have forgotten her if she's been there before.
5. $6.4 million: Cloning Tim Tebow. If scientists can make glow-in-the-dark dogs, why can't they make a million Tim Tebows? I actually think this is Kim Jong-Il's ultimate master plan. We're focusing on his abilithttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=4832107483360862211y to get nuclear weapons, meanwhile he's got the brightest minds in trying to figure out how to recreate Tim Tebow based on 18 used mouthpieces he bought on eBay.
Telling fans he wants to remain at Tennessee, Pearl introduced his fiancee Brandy Miller during a stop in her hometown of Sevierville by saying, "If you think I'm leaving that for Memphis, you're crazy."
It's been my personal experience that women love when you point to them in crowds and refer to them as "that." Because it basically means, "these tits" in man-speak.
I don't know why a guy goes from being married for 25 years to being engaged within the same year. It doesn't make sense.
Having said that, she's hot. But divorcee hot. Probably like Pearl's ex-wife is hot now. Like those women who are 42 and have brand new fake breasts. They didn't just decide to get those for the heck of it, that's an investment. Paid for by their ex-husband's.
But you know who is breathing a sigh of relief right now?
Mike Hamilton.
The last thing you want is a single Pearl rolling into Strip bars.
Florida Gators coach Urban Meyer took notice and was not pleased with the recruiting ploy. He told Pat Dooley of The Gainesville Sun the NCAA should look into what Auburn did. Meyer said, "I think it should," when asked if the NCAA will get involved. "We're trying to sell graduation rates and academics and trying the sing and dance routine.
"The Florida coaching staff will not be riding around in limos or ripping off our shirts."
Instead the Florida Gators staff will continue to recruit the players most likely to be arrested in all of the SEC. Which is really saying something. This is why Urban Meyer is pure evil, because truly evil people tell lies but believe they're telling the truth. Also, because he hunts midgets for fun.
But this response is quintessential Urban, make a small situation appear seismic.
Who knew the Auburn limo would turn into the SEC's own rorschach test, you see what you want to see. Auburn fans look at the limo and think, "Golly, we're badass." The rest of the country looks at the limos, points, and laughs.
Phil Fulmer To Play Himself In The Blind Side movie
I know we've speculated on which actors should play the coaches in the movie The Blind Side. Well, I can confirm that Fulmer was in Atlanta this past Friday to film his scenes with Sandra Bullock. Bruce Feldman previously reported that Coach Orgeron would play himself. I can confirm that Nick Saban will also be playing himself. But on Friday Coach Fulmer played Coach Fulmer. Even though he wasn't pleased with how Michael Lewis portrayed him in the book.
Kurt Hester's theme song. At least according to a reader.
Our beaver pelt trader of the week goes to Texas governor Rick Perry. Why? He broached the idea of secession a couple of weeks ago. And I meant to put this up last week, but then I forgot. Here's the requisite quote:
Later, answering news reporters' questions, Perry suggested Texans might at some point get so fed up they would want to secede from the union, though he said he sees no reason why Texas should do that.
"There's a lot of different scenarios," Perry said. "We've got a great union. There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that. But Texas is a very unique place, and we're a pretty independent lot to boot."
How unbelievable is this? What's even more amazing, I was reading a New Yorker article from this week's issue, and, get this, half of all Texas Republicans want to secede from the country. Half!
Are you kidding me? That's unbelievable.
I'm leaving for Texas in about an hour to visit my sister in Houston. I think I'm going to take a packet of minie balls and some sterilized rags to bite on in case of amputation.
By the way, swine flu?
Try making a decision to fly with your 15 month old son and then trying to explain to his Grandma that we'll be fine. Especially after Joe Biden's Today show appearance.
Ben writes:
Clay, how come Rough Draft isn't an actual book, you could have worked on it longer then, right?
Because the publishing industry is a lot like the NFL or NBA Draft. You have to be able to convince publishers that they're not going to lose their shirt with a book. So far there hasn't ever been a single NFL Draft book that has ever sold well. So to publishers that means there isn't an NFL Draft market.
And in order to get a publisher to take a risk with a book they don't believe there's a market for, you have to be a writer of Michael Lewis's ilk, that is you have to have made them a ton of money in the past. Originally publishers didn't want to release Moneyball because they doubted people would read it.
Chris writes:
D'ude, you're killin' it with Rough Draft. Great job!
This is certainly not meant as a back-handed compliment, but your writing has improved a lot since DDT.
Keep 'em coming!
Much appreciated. The goal with writing, as with anything else, is to get better every day. As UT quarterback Jonathan Crompton told me, "If you ain't getting better, you're getting worse. I really believe that."
Monkey see, monkey do.
Matthew H. writes:
Great stories on the draft prep... Every time I hear about Kurt Hester I think of Amos Moses. Also, my dad is a West Point grad from the class of 1966. I am really enjoying the Campbell story. It underscores what my dad wet through and how different his undergrad experience was from any of ours. The story about the demerits and marching was great. My dad got more then his share back in the day and he use to talk about his marching. He was a 28 year Army vet and was a Ranger, Chopper Pilot, Engineer (went to grad school at Stanford), then a doctor (yes, all in the army...).
Still burns me Campbell didn't get a chance with the Lions, but Duty, Honor, Country.
Looking forward to new book.
I agree, Caleb deserved a shot. He really did. But I've written a ton about this already. The Army screwed up big time.
Now you know why a strange video opened up the mailbag this week.
Andrew Mack writes:
Hey Clay, Just wanted to send along a firm "atta-boy" for your 'Rough Draft' pieces for FanHouse, and extend my gratitude for contributing to my affinity for those perilous moments when I walk to school (UVM Post-Bac Pre-Med- HooRa) completely oblivious to my surroundings as a result of my attention being transfixed to your writings on a 4" blackberry screen. I hope you know your talents as a writer will be most culpable when they are scraping the remnants of my spleen from the grill of a Ford F-150, as will be evidenced by one of your articles being on the screen of the blackberry they find a block and a half from the scene of the accident.
I'm terrifed of dying while reading my BlackBerry. This has to have happened, right?
By the way, on Monday FanHouse is announcing a new slate of writers they've added. And I'm not saying this to build up artificial hyperbole, but I think FanHouse is going to have as good of a collection of writers, myself excluded, as exists anywhere on the internet. Seriously, we're talking some real heavyweights coming on board.
My intro column will be up and running come Monday and then the ClayNation column will be off and running again.
But right now, I have to get packed for Houston. So I'm checking out early today.
Steeplechase next week in Nashville, send along your shots and we'll have a Steeplechase shot of the day. I can't wait.
As you can see from the event, we have some of the top local criminal attorney's and PR people in the city of Nashville. And then there's me. Win some, lose some. Anyway, it should be fun.
As part of the festivities, I provide a hypothetical for panel discussion. Here's a sneak peak at my own. I got to play law professor.
Photos appear on the internet that appear to feature a 25 year old starting NFL quarterback, Cannon Spurlock, snorting cocaine off a strip club stage while surrounded by scantily clad women. The logo on the wall identifies it as a notorious Nashville establishment. The photos initially run on an independent internet sports blog which writes, “Offered without verification, but man, that’s a hail mary if we’ve ever seen one,” and rapidly become an internet sensation, being picked up and linked by every independent sports site on the internet. Within an hour it’s gone viral on the internet, let the feeding frenzy commence.
The mainstream news media, ESPN and their ilk, begin to ask questions of Spurlock, the NFL offices, local authorities, and national anti-drug groups. As the mainstream media investigates, the story continues to gain a foothold online. Within hours, Candy Sanctimony, spokesperson for Mothers Against Cocaine (MAC) issues this statement directed to the NFL offices: “Cannon Spurlock cannot be allowed to play this weekend, he’s set a horrible example for children everywhere, and his flagrant drug use is a poor representation of the league. He must be suspended. Immediately.” Shortly thereafter, the local police chief announces that he’s initiated an investigation, and ESPN breaks into their regular programming to comment on the allegations, but does not yet air the photos.
You’re retained to help deal with the media fall-out and potential criminal investigation. How do you respond to a modern-day internet feeding frenzy?
Particularly given several additional factors:
1. The current NFL Personal Conduct Policy allows Commissioner Roger Goodell to suspend a player before the court proceedings have run their course. Or even, potentially, begun. The only true criteria that needs to be met is that the league image is tarnished, the league commissioner acts as judge, jury and executioner in one. In addition to the criminal ramifications, Spurlock faces potential lost game checks that could cost him hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of dollars. 2. The pictures, easily replicated digital files, that can be saved and posted anywhere, are now currently hosted on 438 different internet sites. All with their own version of the incident, humorous jokes, and the like. No matter who you contact on the internet, the proverbial genie is out of the bottle. 3. The story breaks on Wednesday morning and Spurlock and his teammates play a crucial Monday Night Football game against the Dallas Cowboys in five days.
The Winner of our Band Analogy Contest: Scott Griffin
Okay, here's the deal, the band analogy isn't actually going to be in the book. Because the Auburn chapter was too long. I know I sent out a request for emails like three months ago, but I didn't want to make a decision until the book was finalized. The result is Scott Griffin's analogy doesn't go in, but his name does appear in the acknowledgments.
M'Leigh Comes To Light (Yep, Emily with an apostrophe)
Ward writes:
A new apostrophe name...and the white girl community apparently does not want to get left in the dust. Specifically the Chattanooga/Signal Mountain white girl community. As I was looking over facebook, I came across this name of someone that is a relative of a friend of mine: M'leigh. Please note this girl looks to be at least in her 20s, so apparently her parents were very ahead of the curve.
I would also like to point out my friend, is actually named “Emily”. So I wonder if these two get into fights over who has the best spelled named, as if that is even a fair fight?
Remember when your high school physics teacher got the new graphing calculator? This is like that, only if your high school guidance counselor was borderline illiterate. Meet Les Miles, Twitter demi-god. Ben my ten year old slapped a single to right last nite. LM
Yep, this what your life has become, updates on your coach's son's baseball career. A single to right? Slow wrists for a right-hander. Surprising given dad's quick wrists when it comes to Asia.
Chad C. writes:
Do you think he will tweet about his Asian porn fascination. The only thing better than that would be if Coach Orgeron was on twitter and spelled words like he pronounced them.
If only.
"Waiting for Coon-Asses: Biloxi Casino Night Dealers Go Down 36 to Hit Shelves. LM."
"Stayed in casino. Ordered adult power package. Held discharge until Asian woman arrived on screen. LM."
Twitter is basically a way for the people with the coolest jobs on earth to make their jobs seem boring.
Travis has become enamored of several objects, phrases or events which he frequenly references in the column. Among the most frequent:
'Bama Bangs - a term coined by Travis to refer to southern men's hairstyles that feature prominent bangs for no apparent reason. Brodie Croyle and John Parker Wilson are oft-cited violators of 'Bama Bangs rules.
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When Clay Travis, acclaimed author of Dixieland Delight, decided to spend the 2008 season up close and personal with UT football, he—and every other college football aficionado—thought he was in for a rollicking ride with one of the leading contenders for the national title. After all, when the Vols kicked off the season on September 1, the defending SEC East champions were ranked 18th in the country. As head coach Phillip Fulmer prepared for the game, he reflected upon a coaching career that included an astounding 147 victories, two SEC championships, and a national title. With 34 years at UT under his belt as both a player and coach, the Tennessee native had just signed a contract extension that projected to keep him at the university long enough to become the winningest coach in program history.
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There is no college ball more passionate and competitive than football in the Southeastern Conference, where seven of the twelve schools boast stadiums bigger than any in the NFL and 6.5 million fans hit the road every year to hoot and holler their teams to victory.
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The newly favored man is not really a man at all, but a hairless, effeminate, germ-fearing, non-meat-eating, exfoliating, wristband-wearing woman of the worst order. We as men are told that we must embrace the sacred feminine in ourselves, even if it doesn't actually exist, and become the very quintessence of woman, plus penises. This situation is untenable. This trend must stop.
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Clay Travis is the only former student manager in the history of college athletics to marry an NFL cheerleader. He managed to pull this off despite an irrational affinity for the television shows Dawson's Creek and My Super Sweet 16. While being raised in Nashville, Tenn., Travis developed a healthy obsession with college sports and Alyssa Milano. As a teenager his greatest accomplishment was taking a doo-rag wearing Luke Duke (balling as Tom Wopat) to the hole at the Nashville YMCA.
In the midst of a stellar legal career during which he specialized in rewarding the unjust and punishing the oppressed, Travis began writing for CBS Sports's SPiN section in September 2005...
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