The Titans Collapse: A ClayNation Eulogy
Monday, October 19, 2009
Read the full column here.
Jeff Fisher's frozen mustache passed for more yards than the Tennessee Titans did on Sunday. So did you. So did I. In the end, the Titans passed for -7 yards, lost 59-0, and left anyone with a pulse in Nashville wondering why Fisher is making $5 million a year. Eventually, Sunday made history, as the Patriots delivered the worst beating in an NFL game since 1976. And for those of us who watched every snap, the game wasn't even as close as the final score. Nope, 59-0 was as generous as Bill Belichick and the Patriots could have been in defeating the Titans.
But merely reading about this game does the contest a disservice. To truly experience the defeat you had to be sitting on your couch, in a Titans t-shirt, jaw agape, amazed at what you were seeing. I've been alive for 30 football seasons now and never been so astounded at my team's incompetence. In fact, in my entire life as a sports fan, I've never seen a beating this bad in any sport. Here we go with 16 observations from the game.
1. The entire game had a dreamlike quality to it. Snow in mid-October? An icy field? The way points only materialized on one side of the scoreboard?
You felt like you were watching a Madden game between someone who had been playing for two decades and a novice gamer. What's more, everyone saw it because it was the national game on CBS.
I guarantee you that Fisher kept repeating to himself, "This is really happening, this is really happening" -- although he never seemed to raise his voice or react at all on the sideline. He looked like a mustachioed scientist who suddenly realized that a heretofore unimaginable theory, time travel for instance, was actually possible. And not just possible, happening right before his eyes.
I guarantee you that in 20 years, when NFL Films does a retrospective on this game, Fisher will admit that he found the beating obscenely transcendent, like Balloon Boy meets football.
2. The Patriots scored their second touchdown on a 40-yard flea flicker.
Let me repeat that, they scored on a flea flicker!
If you've ever sought play-calling evidence that one team doesn't respect the talent level of another, calling this play was the perfect example. It's snowing and players have been losing their footing the entire game. Yet the Patriots hand the ball off in the snow, run a man into the line of scrimmage, have him pause with defenders all around him, turn away from the defense, toss a wet football back to their quarterback, have the quarterback field the wet toss, reposition the ball, survey the field still without a defender near him, and throw a laser to a wide-open Randy Moss.
Oh, and the Patriots are driving into the wind when they score.
Think about all the ways the Titans could have stopped this play from succeeding. Then think about all the things that have to go right for the Patriots to succeed with this play call.
The best part of this play was how Phil Simms criticized Titans' safety Chris Hope for not staying behind the receiver. Evidently he expects Hope to expect the flea flicker in this situation. On the sideline Hope had to be sitting around thinking, "What the f... Why'd I ever leave Pittsburgh?"
3. The Titans' "defense" of Randy Moss when they blitzed down 17-0.
Moss threw up his hand about two yards into the route to signify that he was wide open. At no point was he actually covered by a defender. Think about how hard this is to manage on a football field. The Titans didn't jam him at the line and get beat, they didn't throw a safety over the top and get beat off the line with hope that they'd have him covered deep. Nope, they allowed him to run unmolested down the field, beat two men, who were offering token resistance, and catch a ball in the end zone without touching him.
It's inexplicable.
Truly.
If you've ever wondered what you'd look like trying to cover Randy Moss in an NFL game, watch this play from beginning to end. It's like the Titans suddenly lined up your Aunt Irene on the most explosive wideout in the history of the game. And then told her to cover him.
Alone.
Wearing her dress and heels.
Not surprisingly, Moss scored from 28 yards out to make it 24-0.
4. At this point in the game, my wife left the room because she said I was too upset.
But I really wasn't. Why not? Because I started to believe we might truly witness something unbelievable. And isn't that why many of us watch sports to begin with? Because at some moment there might be something we've never seen before? And we can't stomach if we missed that happening.
Well, I didn't miss it.
5. Wes Welker scored to put New England up 38-0 on the Titans and there was no one within 20 yards of him when he caught the ball.
Again, true question: If you took seven average high school players, told them the defense, had them line up and play that pass defense, is there any way they could be in worse position than the Titans were on this touchdown pass?
I'm not saying the high school players need to make a tackle or do something incredible. All I'm asking is whether they could have been closer to Welker when the pass was competed. And, be still my heart, could they have touched him before he scored?
Just a grazing of the fingertip as he ran down the sideline.
They could, right?
Better question, what if you and six of your buddies that could all run 100 yards without needing an oxygen tank, lined up against the Patriots on that play. And the entire purpose of your defense was only to be close to the receivers if they happened to catch a pass.
Then, to your benefit, you only have to cover 30 yards on the field. Because that's how much the Titans had to cover on that play.
How pissed would you be if you gave up the Welker score and no one even touched him?
Pissed, right?
Now you know how Keith Bulluck felt as he walked off the field.
6. Has there ever been a more disappointing football performance from a team in a season?
Keep in mind that the Titans had the best record in football last year. They returned 20 of 22 starters. Vegas had them as one of the favorites to win the Super Bowl. In fact, I bet on the TItans back in August at 20-1 odds just because I always want to bet on my team when I'm in Vegas.
And now we're 0-6.
Again, if we'd known we were going to suck, we could have handled it. But this entire season has been the equivalent of the scene in "Old School" when Mitch came home and found out his live-in girlfriend liked threesomes when he was out of town.
I really want nominations for a greater variety between a season's expectations and their reality. I think the Titans might be setting a new benchmark.
7. What's the most amazing thing about the five touchdowns in a single quarter?
Think about how hard it is to get five possessions in a quarter. Then think about how hard it is to get five possessions in a quarter when the other team has possession of the football to begin the quarter, meaning you actually have to score five touchdowns in under ten minutes of playing time. Then think about how hard it is to score on five consecutive possessions. Then think about how hard it is to score five touchdowns. Then think about how hard it is to score five touchdowns all by passes.
Seriously, if you think about this for too long it's the football equivalent of trying to determine what happens if a snake starts to eat its own tail.
Yep, the end result makes you dizzy.
8. Tom Brady's numbers on the day: 29-of-34 for 380 yards, six touchdowns. Kerry Collins's numbers on the day: 2-of-12, -7 yards, 1 interception.
I'm asking this question honestly, has there ever been a greater divide between quarterback statistics in the history of the league -- for one quarterback to throw for 387 yards more than another? For six touchdowns to none?
When was the last time a quarterback threw for negative yardage? Plumbing the intricacies of this game's statistics is going to break several computers. You already got that sense. For instance, it took over an hour for CBS to confirm that 45-0 was the greatest halftime deficit in NFL history.
9. Combining Brady and Brian Hoyer, the Patriots' quarterbacks were 38-for-45 for 432 yards.
People who didn't watch this weather won't even understand how remarkable this performance was. Even completing 85 percent of the passes in this game without a defense against you would have been pretty decent. A wet ball, the windy conditions, the snow, the wet field, wet hands -- all of these things should have led to a less than sterling passing game.
If Chuck Cecil's job was in question before today, after today he should be packing up his desk at the Titans' facility.
10. LenDale White's fumble and then leaving the field on a cart.
I think White is going to be back on Tequila after tonight. If I was him, while I was in the locker room, I would have bought an entire case of Patron and had it delivered to my house in Nashville.
11. My friend Tardio texted me at halftime to ask if we could get a running clock for the second half.
Read the rest of the column here. Labels: titans patriots claynation titans 0-6
Posted by Clay Travis at 9:39 AM
 
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5 Passing TD's in one quarter? Did you borrow Willie Martinez for the day?
Even Willie would have been embarrassed by this performance.
In 30 years, this game will be covered on an NFL special and all the world will remember how the Patriots demolished the Houston Oilers. Then they'll scratch their heads and finally decide that the team is really the Houston Texans in throwback unis. The Titan legacy may be safe after all.