Here goes with the full mailbag. http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/23/mailbag-from-rome-to-boardwalk/
By the time you read this I'll be at book signing in Birmingham. Then I'll be hanging out on the radio in Birmingham and Memphis for Friday. Getting prepped up for the UT-Alabama game. Which brings me to the above link, remember when you were a kid and you'd watch old games that your dad had seen and think they looked ancient. Well, meet the CBS introduction to Tennessee-Alabama from 1996.
How ancient does this thing look? And it's only 13 years old. Look at Jim Nantz's mullet, the neon graphics that look like something you designed in computer class. Seriously, how is it possible that we used to think this was awesome? If my son ever sees this intro, which he one day will, he's going to look at me like I used to look at my dad when old sporting clips played. He'll be thinking, "Man, your sports were really lame, Dad."
Our beaver pelt trader of the week goes to Jim Nantz's 1996 mullet.
Anyway, on to our picks with the French girl and from there, to All That and a Bag of Mail.
In my continuing battle with my family's former French exchange student, Audrey, we hit a bit of a snag last week. Namely, she didn't submit her picks because she was traveling without internet access. But, fortunately, I submitted mine and managed to go 3-3. Meaning, nothing really changed. So we'll consign last week to the dustbin of Internet history and continue anew this week.
To refresh, I'm 15-14-1 and Audrey is 11-17-2
Here are my picks followed by Audrey's.
Arkansas @ Ole Miss -6.5
Tennessee @ Alabama -16.5
Iowa -1 @ Michigan State
Florida -23 @ Mississippi State
Auburn @ LSU -7.5
Oregon State @ USC -21
Audrey's picks along with her rationalizations (or possibly a word association exercise):
Ole Miss - Crocodile Tennessee - Of course Michigan State - lake Florida - Hurricane Auburn - Hair Oregon State - Where the hell is that?
Craig B. writes:
Clay,
Since you are the resident expert on all things modern man, I wanted to pass along this article and get your thoughts. This guy says that ancient Australian aboriginals run close to the speed of Usain Bolt?Also, a Roman Legion would complete a marathon and a half a day? That's almost 40 miles a day!
In all seriousness, what does this say for the modern male, especially coupled with the steady emasculation by women. Is all lost for the modern male?
Also, did you make the bet with Vernon? Is the beard on the line? Your Vols will not cover!
Roll Tide!
This article is awesome because we can extrapolate the speed that someone was running based on ancient footprints in the mud? How much more amazing is that ability than being able to run really fast? In this article, I'm troubled by the definition of ancient man, though. For instance, before the mind was fully developed does it really surprise you that we would have been stronger? Or faster?
And if we play the thread back far enough isn't that like being jealous of a our pre-evolutionary ancestors? Can you even do that?
I do buy the Roman Legion business, those guys were unbelievable. I mean if Oprah can run a marathon today, does it surprise me that some of the baddest warriors in the history of mankind could run 40 miles while carrying half their body weight?
Wouldn't this be an awesome television show, you and a bunch of buddies try to be Roman Legion guys? With no training.
And you have to cover 40 miles while carrying all of your armor.
How long would this take to complete?
Days, certainly. A week? Especially if you couldn't leave any men or material behind. I'd love to see this. Hell, I'm volunteering to try.
But I still don't believe some aboriginal in Australia is faster than Usain Bolt. In fact, the more I think about this, the more ridiculous I think it is.
Although I wish we could clone these guys and give them modern running technology like the author suggests. My other favorite thing from this article was the bit about the African tribesmen who had to jump their height to become men.
What if you couldn't do that? How frustrating would it be to constantly fail?
Also, he suggests that jumping a lot makes you a better jumper. That's not really true, right? I mean, at least not to any great extent. You might add a couple of inches to your vertical, but jumping ability is one of the most innate athletic talents there is.
Anyway, fascinating article. Clearly, we're all pansies.
Jason O. writes:
C'lay,
Jake the Snake warns about the spread of snakes.
I think that a hefty dose of DDT would do the trick here.
An idea: Our new strategy for stopping the entry of exotic snakes into America, Jake the Snake DDT's the offending smugglers.
Maybe we even have a ship moored out in international waters where we take these guys so the Constitution wouldn't apply. At least in the Bush White House.
Better strategy, what if we started broadcasting old Jake the Snake wrestling tapes to the Pakistani and Afghani militants, with the idea that Jake was an exotic mystic with superhuman powers.
Then instead of waterboarding them to get information, we just bring in Jake the Snake, he turns over a few chairs, pulls out Damien, and they confess after being threatened with the DDT.
Travis has become enamored of several objects, phrases or events which he frequenly references in the column. Among the most frequent:
'Bama Bangs - a term coined by Travis to refer to southern men's hairstyles that feature prominent bangs for no apparent reason. Brodie Croyle and John Parker Wilson are oft-cited violators of 'Bama Bangs rules.
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When Clay Travis, acclaimed author of Dixieland Delight, decided to spend the 2008 season up close and personal with UT football, he—and every other college football aficionado—thought he was in for a rollicking ride with one of the leading contenders for the national title. After all, when the Vols kicked off the season on September 1, the defending SEC East champions were ranked 18th in the country. As head coach Phillip Fulmer prepared for the game, he reflected upon a coaching career that included an astounding 147 victories, two SEC championships, and a national title. With 34 years at UT under his belt as both a player and coach, the Tennessee native had just signed a contract extension that projected to keep him at the university long enough to become the winningest coach in program history.
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There is no college ball more passionate and competitive than football in the Southeastern Conference, where seven of the twelve schools boast stadiums bigger than any in the NFL and 6.5 million fans hit the road every year to hoot and holler their teams to victory.
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The newly favored man is not really a man at all, but a hairless, effeminate, germ-fearing, non-meat-eating, exfoliating, wristband-wearing woman of the worst order. We as men are told that we must embrace the sacred feminine in ourselves, even if it doesn't actually exist, and become the very quintessence of woman, plus penises. This situation is untenable. This trend must stop.
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Clay Travis is the only former student manager in the history of college athletics to marry an NFL cheerleader. He managed to pull this off despite an irrational affinity for the television shows Dawson's Creek and My Super Sweet 16. While being raised in Nashville, Tenn., Travis developed a healthy obsession with college sports and Alyssa Milano. As a teenager his greatest accomplishment was taking a doo-rag wearing Luke Duke (balling as Tom Wopat) to the hole at the Nashville YMCA.
In the midst of a stellar legal career during which he specialized in rewarding the unjust and punishing the oppressed, Travis began writing for CBS Sports's SPiN section in September 2005...
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