ClayNation Starting 11: I hate Comcast
Monday, September 28, 2009
Right now I'm in Orlando preparing to speak to the Orlando Touchdown Club tonight. In the meantime, here's my take on the weekend's actions and my jihad against Comcast.
On Saturday, I got Comcasted. Chances are, if you pay Comcast for anything -- I pay them almost $3,000 a year for cable, two DVRs, internet and home phone -- you've been Comcasted too. You know the feeling, something isn't working and it's impossible to get them to take care of it. In past years, my wife and I would literally fight over who had to call Comcast to rectify an error.
But this time it was personal, this time their incompetence cost me watching my team play on pay-per-view.
On Friday evening, I ordered the Tennessee's game against Ohio. The game was supposed to cost $24.95 since I was ordering it a day in advance. It cost $29.95, according to the ordering screen. So be it. no big deal. If Comcast only screws me out of $5, I consider it a blessing. I watched college football games all day, the prelude to one of the 12 chances I'll have all season to watch my team play.
Then, came kickoff of Tennessee and Ohio, nothing
There was nothing.
To say I was furious does the word injustice.
Every sports fan knows the feeling. Especially those with Comcast. You're sitting in front of the television, hitting refresh over and over with the remote and getting nothing in return. Your blood pressure rises, you realize that the kickoff has come and gone. You want to break something, anything. But then you calm yourself and turn into a television doctor, attempting to diagnose the problem.
Initially, of course, you expect that maybe you're making an error. If only.
Because that would be easy to rectify. I went downstairs, turned off my son's Sprout Television Network -- he was watching Zobamafoo, one of the most terrifyingly uncomfortable creations in the history of children's television. He squealed when Dad changed the channel.
Nope, no game there either. The game wasn't anywhere to be found in the Travis household. I sighed, turned on Gamecast, picked up my cell phone and dialed the local Comcast number.
A busy signal.
I called three more times while walking back upstairs. The busy signals continued. Then my cell phone went dead because I forgot to charge it.
On online message boards, University of Tennessee fans came undone, the entire city of Nashville proceeded to rend their garments when Jonathan Crompton threw an interception and we had to follow it on the radio.
What follows is the typical ClayNation Starting 11 with a bonus screed against Comcast mixed in. It's a tragic opera, Madame Butterfly meets Comcast and football.
1. Julio Jones finally scored a touchdown for Alabama on a well-designed trick play in the second quarter against Arkansas. This ends 11 consecutive games without a touchdown for Jones.
Having watched all of Alabama-Arkansas, I'll tell you this: Alabama is the best team in the nation one-third of the way through the football season.
At my wit's end, I sat down on my couch and picked up my Comcast digital phone service to call them. No dial tone.
Yep, my home phone doesn't work either.
2. With Penn State's loss to Iowa, the Big Ten is eliminated from BCS Title contention. Book it. Yeah, yeah Iowa and Michigan haven't lost yet, but they will. And even if neither did, I'm sure they wouldn't get the nod over one-loss teams from the SEC or Big 12. Not to mention Boise State.
By the way, how tough were the Daryll Clark interceptions for Penn State fans to relive after last year's loss? Especially with the gauzy ESPN feature where Clark talked about spending the entire offseason thinking about those mistakes? Then he goes out and does it all over again. Only worse, three interceptions this year and only 12 completions out of 32 attempts. If you're a Penn State fan, what percentage of the blame do you place squarely at ESPN and ABC's feet simply for running this story and getting those quotes from him? 30? 40?
I then walked around to all three phone jacks and checked to make sure the phone was correctly plugged in. It was.
Meet Comcast irony: I can't call Comcast to tell them that the cable isn't working because the telephone I would call them from doesn't work either.
Comcastic!
3. Bobby Petrino required eight police officers to escort him to the locker room during halftime Saturday. Eight! On Twitter, I quipped this was because Arkansas was afraid Petrino might bolt otherwise.
Now, I think we need to start a ClayNation analysis of officers assigned to a coach. Here's the working hypothesis: The more officers, state troopers and the like assigned to your coach, the better job security he has.
Let's keep track of this and see if it holds up.
My inability to order the Tennessee game is the latest issue we've had with Comcast in the past month. Two weeks ago, our cable went out downstairs without warning. I called Comcast. One technician arrived, replaced my DVR, and pronounced the set fixed. Later, I checked the channels.
Yep, Comcast blocked the HD ones.
4. My friend Neville, a 31-year-old Indian man currently living in his parent's basement while he seeks employment, called me this week. "Have you ever considered the latent homosexuality of Southern male football fans?" he asked. "They shake pompons, wear short khaki shorts, and spend all their free time rooting for muscular black men to triumph over other muscular black men."
After the HD channels went out, I called Comcast back again and requested a new technician.
He arrived and fixed the stations.
But now the television remote doesn't work.
5. Gene Chizik has won as many college games after five games at Auburn as he won in 24 at Iowa If you ever doubted how much the job impacts the perception of the coach, this is perfect evidence that it does.
By the way, Auburn is 5-0, yet not ranked in the Top 25. How is this possible? Second question: How is Tennessee favored over Auburn this weekend?
I told my wife that the remote wasn't working, but that she had to call Comcast this time. She refused. We've both decided to change the stations by hand because we don't want to call Comcast again.
6. I had several friends who are Kentucky fans heading up for the Florida game. They lost 63-5 last year. On Saturday both of them swore that the Cats had a 20 percent chance of winning this year.
If you've ever questioned what fan base has the most irrationally optimistic fans in America, it's Kentucky. Here's a stat for you, in the Rich Brooks era they are 1-24 against teams in the SEC East not named Vanderbilt.
Last month the alarm company telephoned me to report that when they switched us to digital phone service, Comcast turned off our home alarm. Yep, our alarm hadn't been working for a month.
7. Georgia defensive coordinator Willie Martinez should rename each of his children, A.J. Green.
The Georgia-Arizona State game snuck up on a lot of people. It was on ESPN U, it didn't get a lot of hype, but it was an amazingly competitive game that Green singlehandedly won for the Bulldogs. First, he blocked a short field goal attempt Arizona State that would have given the Sun Devils the lead, and then caught a 36-yard pass on the final drive.
Put it this way, if Green doesn't play for the Bulldogs, they are 1-3 right now. Can you say that about any other receiver in the country, that he's responsible for three wins alone? I don't think so.
You know what you would get if Comcast ran college football? The BCS.
Read the rest here. Labels: claynation starting 11 i hate comcast
Posted by Clay Travis at 3:12 PM
 
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C'lay, I love you but Auburn is only 4-0. I wish we were 5-0.
i think clay is trying to jinx barn
When you haven't beaten Auburn in a decade, you have to do your best to toss in a jinx.
Clay, you should get ESPN360 with Comcast internet. I have it and the UT game was on there. The games are also available on demand after they're over so you can re-watch as many times as you'd like.
360 is blocked out in the home viewing market when the game is on pay-per-view.
Which sucks.
Royally.