I was in the hospital when Charles Woodson beat out Peyton Manning to win the 1997 Heisman Trophy. It was my freshman year of college, and I was still fighting the battles of a pre-adolescent; my tonsils had just been removed. I was in surgery when the ceremony date arrived and I didn't find out the result until the next morning. My dad called the hospital from Nashville, and I was still a bit woozy from the surgery.
"Well," he said, "Charles Woodson won it."
I didn't believe him, but my throat was so swollen I couldn't talk to ask more questions. Eventually, I scrawled out a message on a napkin that my mom could relay to my dad.
"How," I scribbled, "did Charles Woodson win?"
I wanted the numbers, the tally of Manning's defeat. My mom scrunched up her face as she looked at my message.
"Who," she asked, "is Charles Woodson?"
Back then, Tennessee fans who could talk, myself not included, reacted with indignation. "He's the guy," we might have said, "who stole the Heisman from Peyton Manning."
Twelve years later, the anger over Charles Woodson's Heisman victory still burns as it did in December of 1997. The people of my home state, Tennessee, still cringe when Woodson's name comes up in conversation. I married a Michigan grad, of all people, and the only thing I ask my wife is that she refrain from uttering his name in our house. Generally she complies. Unless, that is, she wants to win an argument.
"Oh, yeah," she'll say, smirking a bit, "Charles Woodson."
Travis has become enamored of several objects, phrases or events which he frequenly references in the column. Among the most frequent:
'Bama Bangs - a term coined by Travis to refer to southern men's hairstyles that feature prominent bangs for no apparent reason. Brodie Croyle and John Parker Wilson are oft-cited violators of 'Bama Bangs rules.
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When Clay Travis, acclaimed author of Dixieland Delight, decided to spend the 2008 season up close and personal with UT football, he—and every other college football aficionado—thought he was in for a rollicking ride with one of the leading contenders for the national title. After all, when the Vols kicked off the season on September 1, the defending SEC East champions were ranked 18th in the country. As head coach Phillip Fulmer prepared for the game, he reflected upon a coaching career that included an astounding 147 victories, two SEC championships, and a national title. With 34 years at UT under his belt as both a player and coach, the Tennessee native had just signed a contract extension that projected to keep him at the university long enough to become the winningest coach in program history.
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There is no college ball more passionate and competitive than football in the Southeastern Conference, where seven of the twelve schools boast stadiums bigger than any in the NFL and 6.5 million fans hit the road every year to hoot and holler their teams to victory.
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The newly favored man is not really a man at all, but a hairless, effeminate, germ-fearing, non-meat-eating, exfoliating, wristband-wearing woman of the worst order. We as men are told that we must embrace the sacred feminine in ourselves, even if it doesn't actually exist, and become the very quintessence of woman, plus penises. This situation is untenable. This trend must stop.
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Clay Travis is the only former student manager in the history of college athletics to marry an NFL cheerleader. He managed to pull this off despite an irrational affinity for the television shows Dawson's Creek and My Super Sweet 16. While being raised in Nashville, Tenn., Travis developed a healthy obsession with college sports and Alyssa Milano. As a teenager his greatest accomplishment was taking a doo-rag wearing Luke Duke (balling as Tom Wopat) to the hole at the Nashville YMCA.
In the midst of a stellar legal career during which he specialized in rewarding the unjust and punishing the oppressed, Travis began writing for CBS Sports's SPiN section in September 2005...
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