Return From San Diego: Prognosis Negative
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I've been out of pocket for the past five or so days attending an Indian wedding in San Diego. Here are ten things that occurred to me while I was gone:
1. Watching NCAA Tourney games on the West Coast is abysmal. I woke up on Friday morning in San Diego's Gas Lamp District. For the next three hours I killed time. I don't remember the last time I woke up at 6 in the morning full of energy. I went for a jog, stopped by Starbucks, leisurely read the morning paper, felt like mocking everyone who walked by me and was yawning. Is this what morning people always feel like?
I hate morning people even more than I used to.
2. It was freezing in San Diego and I didn't pack enough clothes for the trip. I'm almost 30 and I'm still not to be trusted to pack for myself. I ended up, and this is the complete truth, with three shirts for a five day trip. This is what happens when I remember incidental things like toothbrushes. I forget the important stuff.
I wore a polo shirt on my flight, packed one George Washington basketball t-shirt, two wife-beaters, a long-sleeve Michigan shirt, and a button down for the wedding. That's it.
So my dilemma, I planned on wearing my Lane Kiffin inspired UT visor. But in order to do that I'd have to wear conflicting collegiate apparel, either the GW t-shirt and freeze to death, or the Michigan long-sleeve and be warm. So I went Michigan long sleeve.
3. At 9 pacific, I went to a sports bar nearby. They'd previously assured me they'd be open for the early games. And they were. But until 10:30, it was just me and the bartender in the place. You've never imagined how many awkward conversations you and a bartender can have when it's just the two of you there, it's early in the morning, they're piping in the sound from the radio as opposed to the televisions, and neither of you are drinking.
Sample conversation:
Bartender: "So are you a big Michigan fan?"
Me: "Not really, my wife went to school there and I wear the shirt."
Britney Spears' Womanizer comes on. We both awkwardly bob our heads in time to the music.
Bartender: "So that Britney Spears is really crazy, huh."
Me: "Crazy."
Bartender hands me the menu. "Do you like your quesidillas with buffalo sauce or plain? I really like buffalo sauce."
4. You know you're in for a rough NCAA Tourney viewing experience when you're solo at a West Coast bar, there's no sound on your game, and midway through the first half you find yourself thinking, "Why hasn't Josh Tabb played yet?"
Then through the final six minutes of the first half when one open three-pointer after another clangs off the rim, all I can think about is why Josh Tabb isn't in the game. That's what this season has done to me, it's made me long for Josh Tabb at point guard.
4. How is it possible that Tennessee, the worst three-point shooting team in the NCAA Tournament, attempted 33 threes? 33! One of the most frustrating things all season about the Charge of the Cameltoe Brigade (nee Great Wall of Vagina) is their infuriating lack of self-awareness. Even after an entire season of failing at shooting threes, all of our guys still think they're three-point shooters.
This is insane. Imagine you're coaching a high school and no one can consistently dunk but maybe four guys can scrape the ball over the rim two times out of seven. You'd tell them under no circumstances should they attempt to dunk, right? Do what you do better, lay the ball in. And most of all they should absolutely never, never, attempt to dunk when someone is trying to stop them from dunking. Then you go out to the court and they completely disregard your advice. That's what Tennessee and three-point shooting have been all season.
Think that's bad, soon teams can gameplan based upon that lack of self-awareness. Travis Ford, who somehow has morphed from a lovable runt underdog point guard to a detestable smirking coach in the space of about ten years, based an entire gameplan on our teams inability to turn down the open three-point shot. He let us shoot 33 times from outside the arc because he knew that we couldn't make them.
We're the basketball equivalent of alcoholics, show us a three and we take it. To hell with the gameplan.
5. Even I can't defend the J.P. Prince raking the face play with less than three minutes to play. It was the perfect Great Wall of Vagina play, get angry at a defender for doing a good job keeping you from shooting a reverse lay-up, and girlishly claw his face.
Did you see Pearl's reaction to this? He just tossed up his hands and put Prince on the bench for the remainder of the game. I have no idea whether Verne made any hay with this on the audio, but if we'd won, I feel like it would have been a much bigger story. How was this only a regular foul? And not even two shots, the one and one.
How can raking an opposing player in the face not be a bigger story anyway? If Prince had punched this guy in the groin, it would have led Sportscenter. But rake a guy in the face and it doesn't even merit a mention?
Having said all that, how did the official see it? He's watching the guys on the floor instead of following the kick-out pass? Amazing. Karma didn't favor us winning the game from that moment on.
6. Shortly thereafter, we lose on a last-second shot, which sucks the lifeblood out of me. This is the seventh game we've lost this year after having a chance to win or tie on a final possession. But what's worse than that? Oklahoma State shot 23 for 32 on two-point baskets against our defense. Let me repeat that, 23 for 32, that's 71.8%. Truly, that's unheard of. I'd love to know if that's ever been done before in an NCAA Tourney game. What's more, we had a chance to beat them on a Tyler three. Unbelievable.
7. But here's the deal, it's not even noon yet on the West Coast. I spend the rest of the day touring San Diego.
At Balboa Park I'm walking through a greenhouse and I look up to see this girl smirking at me. I have no idea why, but then she steps out from behind a eucalyptus plant and she's wearing an Oklahoma State t-shirt.
What are the odds that some girl from Oklahoma State is also touring Balboa Park, spent the morning watching the game, and we meet in San Diego just so she can smirk at me?
Okay, I'm cutting this short because I have to meet with my accountant today. That's going to be awesome. But not as awesome as hearing about my speech to 400 Indian people at the wedding on Saturday. Labels: ncaa tournament tennessee oklahoma state san diego wedding
Posted by Clay Travis at 10:25 AM
 
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Oh, yeah, Clay, NOW the Vols decide to miss threes.
(NIT Quarterfinals against Penn State tonight! Catch the wave!)
The only thing more frustrating than losing to Tennessee twice is losing to Tennessee shooting over 50% from three twice.
What can I say? The Gators bring out the best in the Vols. If only we could have drawn you guys in the first round.
The Vols problem this year has been they just don't want it as bad as Pearl's first three teams did. I know that sounds cliché, but it is true.
They don't play D at all. They don't put in the practice to learn how to press. I don't want to hear how they are too slow to press. My grandmother can run faster than Chris Lofton and Dane Bradshaw. Have you seen Bobby Maze, JP Prince and Scottie Hoppson run? They are stupid fast.
Pearl isn't going to throw a bunch of 19 year olds under the bus, but he knows it's true. They don't want to listen to him, they just want to rely on their "God givin tallent." Pearl can't force them to stay after practice and shoot 150 3's like Lofton and Smith would. Or go spend extra time in the weight room. They have to do all that on their own, and they just don't want to.
This season reminds me of the Vincent Yarbrough days. Vince was a very tallented player, but didn't seem to want to put the extra work in.