Bag of Mail

The Great Wall of Vagina Is Back--Never Leaving



And I have a bad feeling it's going to be here for the rest of the season. Several quick thoughts as I take a break from the editing process:

1. Who ranks players for Rivals? I'm tired of ripping on Scotty Hopson. It's clear he isn't even a first team All SEC freshman this year. So I want to direct my anger at whoever ranked Scotty Hopson the fifth best player in the country and made all of us expect him to be, I don't know, capable of chewing gum and dribbling a basketball at the same time. Somebody provide this guy's name. Please.

2. If you were a guard on Tennessee's team and Wayne Chism was a head and shoulders better shooter than you were, wouldn't you use this as an impetus to get better?

3. Negadu is a beast. Why he only played 15 minutes is beyond me. He might have the largest back of shoulder muscles I've ever seen. (I'm not even sure what this muscle is called.) On a team full of vaginas, Negadu plays like a man.

4. Okay, I couldn't resist. Hopson doesn't do anything well. At all. Except jump. And even then he jumps at the wrong time. Three more classic Scotty plays tonight.

a. the airballed free throw

b. the 3 on 1 to the basket, refuse to pass, get the ball knocked out of bounds. Have you ever seen a guy have more trouble dribbling in the open court? Hopson looks like Bambi on ice when he tries to dribble the basketball.

c. Have a pass actually go between your legs. Seriously, between your legs. When was the last time that happened to someone in a game and they weren't 8 years old? I don't even remember seeing a pass go between somebody's legs in a pick-up game.

5. How bad have things gotten? a. we've lost more home games this month than we lost in the previous three years and b. SEC Championship? Please. This team is going to be a bubble team if we're fortunate enough to make the NCAA Tournament.

6. But that's not the worst of it. Does anyone else find themselves angry when watching our team play? There's very little enjoyment with this team. It's the least enjoyable Pearl team by far. And not just because they're the Great Wall of Vagina.

I'd much rather watch a bunch of untalented scrappers find a way to keep games close than watch this team make bad decision after bad decision en route to losing. Some of the decision-making makes me want to yank out my eyebrows.

Plus, and I think this is key, you get the sense that an awful lot of Tennessee's players think they are much better than they actually are.

It's hard to root for a bunch of guys that hold themselves in much higher esteem than they deserve. Ironically enough I keep thinking to myself, this team plays basketball like a bunch of filthy rich private school kids.

Labels:

Posted by Clay Travis at 11:51 AM

4 Comments:

Blogger Kyle said...

I had forgotten about the airballed free throw. I guess it was blocked out of my mind, as was the free throw which immediately preceded the airball, a hard clank off the back of the rim. When the fools from Raycom who have no idea of what is actually happening in the game are blatantly making fun of your shooting style and arch, perhaps it's time to change your shot. You are dead on in this post Clay. All points are correct.

January 29, 2009 3:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No reason to insult rich private school kids. They play much harder than the Vols.

January 29, 2009 3:21 PM  
Blogger Clay Travis said...

Good point on the rich private school kids. They dive more. On the negative side, often they were knee pads. On the positive side they are certainly better shooters.

January 29, 2009 8:36 PM  
Anonymous Charles said...

The "back of shoulder" muscle would be the posterior deltoid.

January 30, 2009 8:20 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home


 
Previous Posts

 
Travis has become enamored of several objects, phrases or events which he frequenly references in the column. Among the most frequent:
 
'Bama Bangs - a term coined by Travis to refer to southern men's hairstyles that feature prominent bangs for no apparent reason. Brodie Croyle and John Parker Wilson are oft-cited violators of 'Bama Bangs rules.
Read More...
 
On Rocky Top When Clay Travis, acclaimed author of Dixieland Delight, decided to spend the 2008 season up close and personal with UT football, he—and every other college football aficionado—thought he was in for a rollicking ride with one of the leading contenders for the national title. After all, when the Vols kicked off the season on September 1, the defending SEC East champions were ranked 18th in the country. As head coach Phillip Fulmer prepared for the game, he reflected upon a coaching career that included an astounding 147 victories, two SEC championships, and a national title. With 34 years at UT under his belt as both a player and coach, the Tennessee native had just signed a contract extension that projected to keep him at the university long enough to become the winningest coach in program history.
Read More...
 
Dixieland Delight There is no college ball more passionate and competitive than football in the Southeastern Conference, where seven of the twelve schools boast stadiums bigger than any in the NFL and 6.5 million fans hit the road every year to hoot and holler their teams to victory.
Read More...
 
Man Book The newly favored man is not really a man at all, but a hairless, effeminate, germ-fearing, non-meat-eating, exfoliating, wristband-wearing woman of the worst order. We as men are told that we must embrace the sacred feminine in ourselves, even if it doesn't actually exist, and become the very quintessence of woman, plus penises. This situation is untenable. This trend must stop.
Read More...
 
Vanderbuilt Law Clay Travis is the only former student manager in the history of college athletics to marry an NFL cheerleader. He managed to pull this off despite an irrational affinity for the television shows Dawson's Creek and My Super Sweet 16. While being raised in Nashville, Tenn., Travis developed a healthy obsession with college sports and Alyssa Milano. As a teenager his greatest accomplishment was taking a doo-rag wearing Luke Duke (balling as Tom Wopat) to the hole at the Nashville YMCA. In the midst of a stellar legal career during which he specialized in rewarding the unjust and punishing the oppressed, Travis began writing for CBS Sports's SPiN section in September 2005...
Read More...
 
 
© Copyright Clay Travis 2009, All Rights Reserved.