All That and a Bag of Mail: Duels, Topless Girls, and the Confederate White House
Friday, January 23, 2009
Enjoy the drunken history story about the Burr-Hamilton duel above. It was one of many dueling related emails I got. The Hamilton-Burr thing is amazing every time I think about it. Can you imagine if this happened today? Two famous politicians fought to the death. What if Joe Biden shot Timothy Geithner? The media would cover it as if nothing of the kind had ever happened before.
Judging by the emails all of you are amazed that dueling ever existed as well. But nothing is as amazing as Andrew Jackson's duel with Dickinson.
In 1805 a friend of Jackson's deprecated the manner in which Captain Joseph Ervin had handled a bet with Jackson over a horse race. Ervin's son-in-law, Charles Dickinson became enraged and started quarreling with Jackson's friend which lead to Jackson becoming involved. Dickinson wrote to Jackson calling him a "coward and an equivicator." The affair continued, with more insults and misunderstandings, until Dickinson published a statement in the Nashville Review in May 1806, calling Jackson a "worthless scoundrel, ... a poltroon and a coward."
Jackson challenged Dickinson to a duel very much according to the customs of the time in the south. Dickinson, known as one of the best shots in Tennessee if not the best, had choice of weapons and chose pistols.
Dickinson fired the first shot, which broke two of Jackson's ribs and lodged two inches from his heart. Dickinson then had to stand at the mark as Jackson, clutching his chest, aimed slowly and shot him fatally.
Can you imagine this? I've always heard that Jackson planned on taking Dickinson's shot first, surviving, and then shooting him. How bad ass is this? Andrew Jackson is a our beaver pelt trader of the week. On to the mailbag.
Angela C. writes:
I can confirm that everything Chris presented is what happened during the beginning of the TN/GA game. I was not in the room when it first came on the screen. Chris yelled that I had to come see what was on the TV. I saw the slide and was shocked but not surprised, considering how badly the station is run. WFLI has a budget so low it has to be in negative numbers. I shared the story with some friends and from them I learned that it was from an episode of Oprah that had aired the day before. That does not explain how it appeared on our local WFLI though. Oprah is in a different station. I have tried to locate a story here locally that mentions the incident but I think very few people watched the game so there was never anything in the news. And WFLI doesn't have any means of contact so there was no way to check with them. I was really hoping to get an answer from them because I would love to know how it happened. My suspicion is someone who programs for the network did it as a prank or someone hacked in to the broadcast. Maybe someone who reads your site will have some insight.
Oh, while this was on the screen, they went to commercial and then to the game for a few seconds but the slide appeared back on the screen for several more minutes.
Angela is Chris's wife. So I'm trusting that this happened. Sort of like when you were in elementary school and you claimed that you were sick but didn't have a note to prove it and then your mom got called by the principal.
Also, it gives me this chance to add a photoshopped version of the JP/LF/Raycom Chattanooga telecast that arrived via reader Hank R.
Josh K. writes:
Clay,
Maybe I missed it, but what happened with you writing for Deadspin? Although I had heard of Deadspin before you started writing for them, I had never checked it out until you left CBS. Obviously, you are not there and now the "Dash" seems to cover the college sports scene. What gives? Or are you forced into silence by a non-disparagement clause? If that is the case, then just give me an italicized "Deadspin was a remarkable experience for me" and I will draw my own conclusions.
Totally off topic. I know you are a Civil War buff. Have you ever been to Richmond? I took a trip there back when you could get $10 airfare from C-bus to anywhere (including the home of Marlboro, Richmond) on that now defunct airline. Even as a Northerner, I have never been so captivated by a museum more than the Confederate Museum in Richmond. My wife (who may have been humoring me at first, but ended up loving it) and I spent four hours there. Even better, take the tour of Jefferson Davis' house next door. I now have a sweatshirt from both and each one makes my wife nervous whenever I wear them in public.
Freezin in Ohio. Go Bucks.
Deadspin was a remarkable experience for me.
On to the Richmond question. Amazingly, I've never been. I know I need to go. It's really the only major Civil War site I haven't visited. You name it from Vicksburg to Stonewall Jackson's buried arm, I've been there. But I love, absolutely love, the fact tha tyou've got a sweatshirt from the Jefferson Davis house. I have a Battle of Franklin t-shirt. Seriously, I love that there is a demand for battle t-shirts. These are even better than the t-shirts my mother-in-law always brings me from wherever she visits. I have a big shirt that says Bourbon Street on it. That's it. Another than says, New Mexico. The best is one with the Canadian flag on it that just says, Canada.
But all of these pale in comparison to the Franklin t-shirt. And the Franklin t-shirt pales in comparison to the Confederate White House sweatshirt.
Speaking of Civil War gifts, when we visited Lexington, Virginia my dad bought my 11 year old sister a gift. What was it? A small plate featuring a picture of Robert E. Lee meeting for the final time with Stonewall Jackson just before the battle of Chancellorsville. I remember she tore through the packaging, opened up the box, and held it up in front of her.
"What is this?" she asked. "That's Robert E. Lee meeting with Stonewall Jackson," my dad said.
W'ade writes:
Claydasha,
I have, on occasion, wondered if my core group of friends, got together with your core group of friends, who would be the funnier group. (I get really bored sometimes waiting on a billable six-tenth of an hour to ring my phone.) Would you with your obviously quick wit and as evidenced from the DDT book, your friends' obvious ability to compliment you with some of their own hilarity make me laugh harder than the guys I have been friends with for years? We all compliment each other well. One guy is just raunchy. A few have fairly quick wit. One guy seems to spend hours absorbing stuff on Comedy Central to reuse at an opportune time, and the rest of us are just generally funny guys who occasionally hit a funny note but mainly rely on about 25 years of inside jokes that we've built up since Kindergarten. I figured anywhere from 10 (the friends added in college) to 25 years of knowing how to make the others laugh would be hard overcome no matter how funny you and your friends are in print.
The Charge of the Cameltoe Brigade.
You win. By yourself. Congratulations.
My goal has always been to strip away 15 minutes of fun from a day owned by the billable hour. But I appreciate the congrats. By popular acclamation, should the Vols perform well on their homestand, we'll promote them from the Great Wall of Vagina to The Charge of the Cameltoe Brigade.
1.
Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. "Forward, the Light Brigade! "Charge for the guns!" he said: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred.
For those of you who didn't have to memorize the Tennyson poem and didn't know where the inspiration for the potential new name came from, here it is.
Anyone else remember in The Blind Side when Michael Oher suddenly came alive while reading this poem? No...crickets...hello...anyone.
Josh R. writes:
C'Lay-
Thanks for posting my victory speech I'm still basking in the glory of the championship run and the response has been overwhelming around the Upper Cumberland.
While I was surfing the channels the other night I thought I saw Mike Tirico judging some kind of reality tv show about fashion, modeling, or some other crap related to that.
I looked up who the judge was and I found his name to be Nole Marin and according to his Wikipedia he is openly gay and lives with his pet chihuahua, Empress Mini.
If this is not Tirico's body double it has to at least be his shorter, fatter, gayer sibling. Attached is a picture of Marin's SPNGD. (soul patch not getting it done)
Okay, you be the judge. Here's Tirico.
Here's Nole Marin.
Yeah, they're twins. Either that or Mike Tirico is playing both roles. How has no one ever mentioned this before? Both men have to get confused with one another all the time, right? How much does this piss off Tirico? If I ever meet him, first thing I'm saying is, I love your work Nole.
Paul E. writes:
Clay -
First of all, let me say it was a pleasure to meet you last night at the Vanderbilt-UT basketball game, sorry I did not greet you with the ClayNation hand sign. Congratulations on the win for the Vols.
Now to my main reason for emailing - my early exit of the game. I hate people who leave games early, and I am normally not part of the offending group. Last night, I met my Dad and brother at Dalt's for dinner before the game, and rode with them to the gym. They had a 2 hour drive home after the game, and it was their decision to leave with 2 minutes to go. Had this been a real game, like football, I would have stayed (no matter the score) until the final horn sounded, and walked back to Dalt's instead of leaving just because my ride was leaving.
Last night I broke the #1 rule of being a fan - to really enjoy the good times, you have to stick by your team even in the bad times. That is what made the Music City Bowl victory so sweet. I have stayed through an entire game of getting beat by UT 65-0, sat in the rain and getting beat by Wake 45-3 and too many other defeats to mention in football, so seeing my team raise a championship trophy was that much sweeter.
I did not want you to think less of me as a fan, so I offer this sorry excuse of why I left the game early.
Go Dores!
Wow. It's nice to be considered such a fan arbiter. Especially since I've christened my team the Great Wall of Vagina. Which, to be fair, is probably not very well received when it comes to fan decorum.
Brian T. writes:
Clay,
My wife claims that there is no way possible that the picture of the Kappa Alpha Thetas from Vanderbilt is a legit photo. She claims that if it was they would have their charter yanked. Is there any way to confirm the validity of this photo? It does not seem to appear on the official website of the sorority as far as I can tell. If the photo cannot be validated, should they not be disqualified? I’m not sure what the official ruling should be here.
The Museum of Confederacy and Confederate White House are definitely worth checking out. It's weird how they are on VCU's campus. While in Richmond, even better is the new Civil War Center at Tredegar.
Travis has become enamored of several objects, phrases or events which he frequenly references in the column. Among the most frequent:
'Bama Bangs - a term coined by Travis to refer to southern men's hairstyles that feature prominent bangs for no apparent reason. Brodie Croyle and John Parker Wilson are oft-cited violators of 'Bama Bangs rules.
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When Clay Travis, acclaimed author of Dixieland Delight, decided to spend the 2008 season up close and personal with UT football, he—and every other college football aficionado—thought he was in for a rollicking ride with one of the leading contenders for the national title. After all, when the Vols kicked off the season on September 1, the defending SEC East champions were ranked 18th in the country. As head coach Phillip Fulmer prepared for the game, he reflected upon a coaching career that included an astounding 147 victories, two SEC championships, and a national title. With 34 years at UT under his belt as both a player and coach, the Tennessee native had just signed a contract extension that projected to keep him at the university long enough to become the winningest coach in program history.
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There is no college ball more passionate and competitive than football in the Southeastern Conference, where seven of the twelve schools boast stadiums bigger than any in the NFL and 6.5 million fans hit the road every year to hoot and holler their teams to victory.
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The newly favored man is not really a man at all, but a hairless, effeminate, germ-fearing, non-meat-eating, exfoliating, wristband-wearing woman of the worst order. We as men are told that we must embrace the sacred feminine in ourselves, even if it doesn't actually exist, and become the very quintessence of woman, plus penises. This situation is untenable. This trend must stop.
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Clay Travis is the only former student manager in the history of college athletics to marry an NFL cheerleader. He managed to pull this off despite an irrational affinity for the television shows Dawson's Creek and My Super Sweet 16. While being raised in Nashville, Tenn., Travis developed a healthy obsession with college sports and Alyssa Milano. As a teenager his greatest accomplishment was taking a doo-rag wearing Luke Duke (balling as Tom Wopat) to the hole at the Nashville YMCA.
In the midst of a stellar legal career during which he specialized in rewarding the unjust and punishing the oppressed, Travis began writing for CBS Sports's SPiN section in September 2005...
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The guy's name is Nole? Of course he's gay.
The Museum of Confederacy and Confederate White House are definitely worth checking out. It's weird how they are on VCU's campus. While in Richmond, even better is the new Civil War Center at Tredegar.