Some Ole Miss Fans Are Dumb Tools
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Some of you have written wanting to know why there has been a dearth of email from people who hate me in the mailbag of late. The reason is because I rarely get any hate mail anymore. Yep, pretty much everyone loves me. But in the past couple of days I've gotten a few angry emails.
First up, I got an email from some guy named Ben Pierman who is evidently an assistant attorney general from the state of Georgia. I know this because he had the good sense to email me from his state of Georgia email address. Clearly the taxpayers of Georgia are getting their money's worth. He was upset with what he perceived as my Ole Miss bashing. Here is his email:
"In later years the fact that Hailey and Hanna Nutt's dad went to Gainesville and won with this Ole Miss team is going to seem even more remarkable than it does now.”
Hey Clay, just because the Vols suck, why do you have to take cheap shots at Ole Miss? Last I checked we were light years ahead of UT in wins and general direction of our respective programs. I hope Smokey gets tired of your ratty beard and bites your taint.
PS- “Dixieland Delight” was contrived and boring. You’re not Bill Simmons-please stop trying.
Sincerely,
Ben Pierman
Ben,
Generally I like Ole Miss fans because they aren't losers like yourself. (By the way if you ever wonder whether a lawyer is a loser, if you google them and they don't come up on the first page of results and they have a name that's relatively unique like Ben Pierman, then they're losers). Clearly, you're the Ole Miss fan exception.
First, I fail to see how this is "hating" on Ole Miss. I haven't confirmed this but I'm pretty sure that 90% of Ole Miss fans still sit around and say, "How the hell did we beat Florida this year?" They have to. They're intelligent fans. Florida is much better than you are. Like everyone else in the SEC I still find it amazing that Florida lost that game.
Second, Ole Miss is light years ahead of Tennessee? This is laughable, right? Ole Miss has never won an SEC division title (you lost the tiebreak to LSU in 2003, I'm not counting it) and hasn't won an outright SEC title since, wait for it, 1963. Awesome, high five, the Kennedy assassination is so contemporary. Plus, you're bragging about a 5-4 record. 5-4! Even with their worst football season since 1890, Ole Miss is just two wins ahead of Tennessee this year. If you're an assistant attorney general of Georgia (fix my parking tickets, bitch) this is "light years" of separation.
Finally, Ben Pierman is entitled to his opinion of my book. Although, to be fair, I'm not sure what could be contrived about it. The book is artificial? Nope, went to all the games, enjoyed them, wrote about them. No one else has ever done this. I don't object to criticism, but I do ask it to make sense. More than likely Ben Pierman isn't that smart (witness his employer) and wanted to have another adjective to use other than "boring." So he went with one that didn't fit but seemed like it should. As for the Bill Simmons line, I've read three or four columns of his in my life so I'm not sure what the point is here. If you want to insult me say the book isn't as good as humor writers who I've read and admire: Mark Twain or Tony Kornheiser or Bill Bryson. Say all of these men would have written a better book about a roadtrip in the SEC. That's fair. But don't focus on the only writer you know who is funny and claim that they own a certain arena all for themselves. Bill Simmons isn't the first person to wed sports with humor, you're just too dumb to know anyone else who has done it before him. Regardless, feel free to repeat your critique to the tens of thousands of people who have read the book and enjoyed it. We'll see whose opinion wins out in the marketplace of ideas. (Hint, it ain't yours.)
Personally, I'm already looking forward to heading down to Oxford next year for another book signing at Square Books (one of the best bookstores in the South). I just hope my Tennessee team can manage to traverse the light years of difference between them and Ole Miss in time for next year's game. I'm sure doing another signing in his own backyard won't impress Ben Pierman. Nor will it impress him that Dixieland Delight was one of the bestsellers at Square Books last year. Nor will it impress him when On Rocky Top is a bestseller in 2009. Nope, he'll be too busy making misguided attempts to defend the honor of Ole Miss football from his state computer and state email address.
Well played, Bennie, well played. At least now your name will show up on google, you tool.
To the remainder of Ole Miss fans who I respect and enjoy, at least we know who is included in the 15% of your fan base who sucks.
Hotty Toddy,
Clay Labels: hate mail all that and a bag of mail
Posted by Clay Travis at 11:03 AM
 
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A man should never wish for anything to happen to another man's taint.
Truer words were never writ.