All That and a Bag of Mail: Beaver Pelt Trader of the Week
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I'm going to unveil our apostrophe poll voters next week. Suffice it to say, I've been blown away by the responses. Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Kerry Collins. Sooner or later he had to get it. Honestly, I think Collins may be making a run for the beaver pelt trader of the year. He's got a grey beard, he's a country music songwriter, and his arm doubles as a howitzer.
By the way, the above picture will make sense later, but I like it because it appears that I'm coaching a game from Heaven.
On to All That and a Bag of Mail:
Bryan Trull writes:
I know you said Gruden at one time but I'm really hoping it's Mike Leach. You hit the nail on the head.......looking up at the ceiling fan for 10 years has made me dizzy. I'd rather get dizzy watching Leach's offense ring up points.
Do you think there's a chance we get him?
I'd take Leach over Gruden honestly. But Gruden would be my second choice. Kelly is probably my third choice. I think that Kelly is an intentional name being floated to distract from other names...like Leach.
Every week I watch Florida play it becomes clearer to me that we need an offensive system that can score points. Here's what we've scored against Florida the past four seasons, 7, 20, 20. and 6. That ain't cutting it. Defensively we've been good enough to win three of these games. Especially if you take out special teams points from teh defense.
We've given up 16, 21, and 23. (I'm tossing the 59 for sanity's sake.) That brings me to this, why not bring in Leach and keep John Bell Hood Chavis? I'm ready to give Chavis a battlefield promotion, a massive one, if he's paired with Leach. Because then I think we've got Leach on O and Chavis on D. Who does this remind me of? Lee and Stonewall in 1863. Provided our own troops don't shoot us (the modern day football equivalent of special teams mistakes), we'd be unstoppable.
Tat'e C. writes:
C'lay
This girl survived 4 months without a heart. Would she have been able to do this without the apostrophe in her name? Doubtful.
Props to D'Zhana. Plain old Zhana is done for. Zero doubt.
Thomas writes:
I will be in Nashville this weekend with a large group of friends celebrating the demise of our buddy Tyler. He’s getting married next weekend. Who gets married on Thanksgiving weekend? Anyhow, we will be there Friday and Saturday night, but all of us are from West Tennessee, so we don’t really know of anything that we should absolutely check out while in Nashville b/c we usually just go to Beale St to get stupid. There will obviously be lots of drinking involved, and probably (even though I strongly advised against it based on your wisdom) a trip to the gentleman’s club. We plan on taking in the UT-Vandy game Saturday morning on TV and attending the Titans-Jets game Sunday. Other than that, we have nothing. That’s a lot of time to fill. Any suggestions would be much appreciated, as long as they make it to me before the trip is over!
I love the website. It definitely helps pass the time at work!
Okay, in general here's a recapitulation of my advice on visiting Nashville. I'd still suggest going out on Demonbreun street as your final destination. Go with Dan McGuiness and the Tin Roof. Prior to that I'd go with Paradise Park on Broadway and then The Stage or Robert's if you want a honky tonk atmosphere.
Enjoy.
Jonathan Ganz writes:
My brother-in-law claims to be a HUGE UF fan and that he absolutely is dying to see the SEC Championship game. To that end, he has gotten approval from his wife to come to Atlanta (with her, a UF grad) for the SEC title game; he has budgeted $400 for two tickets to the game; he has a free place to stay in Atlanta (my house); he lives within easy driving distance of Atlanta; and if he does not find tickets to the game on gameday for $400 or less, he can watch the game on TIVO in a properly equipped mancave with a large-screen HDTV and lots of beer.
However, he decided yesterday (more than 2.5 weeks before the game, i.e. when the market for tickets is still at its highest) that he’s not going to come because he doesn’t think he will find tickets for less than $400. (And as someone who has bought tickets on gameday at sporting events hundreds of times, there are always tickets to be found on gameday for less than what you see on StubHub, Craigslist and Ebay, which are total Seller’s Markets, economically speaking)
Can we take away his self-proclaimed title of being a HUGE UF fan for his failure to even attempt to find tickets on gameday in Atlanta? I think it’s a no-brainer that the answer is yes, but clearly that’s because I’m more of a true fan than my brother-in-law. What are your thoughts?
I'd have to consider what easy driving distance means for this. Also, who you root for. Because he could be using the cost as cover to avoid having to watch the game at your place. Now, if you're also a UF fan, his behavior is inexplicable and indefensible. There will come a time, mark a married man's words, when his wife will not be so cavalier about allowing him to travel for a big game. And he'll think back to this moment and realize that's when his life changed for the worse.
I'm always amazed by how many men (presumably with balls) aren't willing to head to a game without tickets. What's the worst case scenerio? You watch it on television like you would have without tickets. Yet most people treat arriving at a stadium without tickets like they've just been asked whether they want to charge Malvern Hill.
Anyway, I'm stripping him. (Figuratively, of course.)
Don writes:
Clay,
Do you actually practice law anymore? If so, can I hire you because you're a lawyer that doesn't suck?
I get the lawyer question a ton. Not generally from people who want me to represent them, mind you, but from people who want to know whether I still practice. The answer is yes. Selectively. (I'm like a legal hooker.)
I work through a very cool company. You'll see me here on the Counsel on Call website. True story, posing for these photos is the only time I've worn a suit in the past three years. Also, in the stadium photo, they had to crop my eyes open because I was squinting too much. The camera loves me.
Now I specialize in internal company investigations. A company gets a complaint about discrimination, sexual harassment, you name it and wants someone who is independent to come and interview everyone and then produce an in-house report. I'm your guy.
I can schedule these fairly flexibly and they're actually enjoyable. You basically streamline the litigation process into a day or two. You get the complete story, try and figure out who is lying or not lying, assess truthfulness.
So, yes, I can be hired for that. But if you need someone to draft a will or file a lawsuit that is going to take 3 years to unravel, I'm not your guy.
As an aside, I've always thought there's a market for a collection of lawyers with a website like, www.lawyerswhodontsuck.com You'd have interesting bios, favorite football game you've ever witnessed, things like that. Instead of bragging about some article you wrote (that no one read, not even your parents) for the South Georgia Law Review on escalator malpractice involving seeing eye dogs. Or something like this. Anyway, that's my legal dream. Aside from being hired and paid lots of money not to practice law. Which I think only happens for Senators. Labels: beaver pelt trader of the week claynation counsel on call sec championship
Posted by Clay Travis at 6:06 PM
 
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I guess you don't have to be a licensed attorney to do that, but did you even take the Tennessee bar exam?