All That and a Bag of Mail: Beaver Pelt Trader of the Week

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is the Arizona State men's and women's track team. Who managed to get President Bush to rock the shocker for an official photo. I'm sure Laura was impressed. I received the nomination from two of you, Chris and the below emailer. Tip of th beaver pelt to both of you.

Jacob Johnson writes:

Clay,

I was sitting in a Torts lecture this morning thinking about how much I love the law, and hate Ryan Perrilloux when I came across this gem. It's great to see that George W. is still shocking the world. I now will go back to throwing up while thinking of four interceptions to the Gumps.

Geaux Tigers,


P.S. It has come to light, despite the bammer's proclamation of the deceased as deranged, swamp-living LSU fans, that the shooting earlier this week coming after the football game was actually between two Alabama fans. What are the odds that this arose from an argument over the holiness of Saban v. Bear?

I don't know but even 'Bama fans are freaked out by the Nick Saban and Bear Bryant picture where you can see through the Bear, right? You know, where Saban is leaning on the goalpost. This is one of the all-time weird fan paintings I've ever seen. And there are a ton of weird fan paintings out there. Don't believe me? Look at this.



Doug writes:

The girl in the Alabama panties on your website may be the hottest creature on earth. If you have an unusually high number of hits on your site today, it's me going back numerous times to look at the picture. I'm beginning to feel dirty.

I agree. Last night my friend KWo called to tell me that he also thought she was the best looking girl in the universe. So, here's a challenge, how is it that we can identify everyone else associated with the SEC, but I post a picture of a half-naked chick who is the best looking girl in the universe and no one has any idea who she is?

I'm starting to think maybe she isn't real.

Kirk writes:

OK, I had a brief infatuation with Anita Hill during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings. However, I would not, based on that infatuation, have her join my law practice. So, putting your infatuation aside, how do you handle:

7 years of 7-6, 7-5, 8-4, 9-5, 8-5, 8-4, 9-3, 8-5 and 9-4 overall and 4-4ish records in conference. All while in one the most fertile recruiting grounds in the nation.

Yes, this year is good, yes the upset of Texas on the last play with time expiring was exciting, but...so what, it's one year and one upset.

A brief infatuation with Anita Hill? This reminds me of the time my friend Neville confessed to occasionally pleasuring himself while thinking about Claire Huxtable. It's almost hard for me to get past that first sentence.

I think Leach's record has to be looked at within the context of the Texas Tech job. Put Tech in the SEC and who do they compare to? Ole Miss. So he's basically been to 8 consecutive bowls at Ole Miss. Plus, he's won 5 of his last 6 bowl games. Also, where does Texas Tech rank in the hierarchy of Texas college football schools? At least historically. Clearly Texas and Texas A&M are higher. What about TCU, Houston, Baylor, SMU? I'm not familiar enough with the latter four programs. But I think you can make a strong case that historically Tech is no better than the 5th best program in Texas.

For instance, compare Leach's numbers with David Cutcliffe's at Ole Miss.

1999 Ole Miss 8–4 4-4 3rd (West) W[11] Independence
2000 Ole Miss 7-5 4-4 3rd (West) L Music City
2001 Ole Miss 7–4 4–4 5th (West)
2002 Ole Miss 7-6 3-5[12] 4th (West) W Independence
2003 Ole Miss 10-3 7-1[12] T-1st (West) W Cotton 14 13
2004 Ole Miss 4-7 3-5

Leach has done better. I think we'd all agree that Cutcliffe is a hell of a coach. So I think you have to compare how someone does at a particular school as opposed to going with straight wins and losses. Plus, I've move beyond infatuation when it comes to Mike Leach. Yesterday I decided I'm watching Oklahoma-Texas Tech without wearing any pants. That's normal, right?

Brad writes:

Couldn't agree with you more regarding David Pollack missing numerous opportunities to experience the pure joy of premarital sex while at Georgia (every girl I knew at UGA would've blown him in the middle of a bar if given the chance) -- but I couldn't help but wonder if your choice of words....

I think he owes it to other SEC men to have so much sex with so many hot girls that he can barely walk some mornings.

....was some sort of allusion to the fact that Pollack fractured his spine in his rookie year with the Bengals. Or maybe that's just how my fucked-up mind works. Whoops (shrug)

Anyway, keep up the good work.

Unintentional. But if you made an argument that karma is in favor of men having sex with as many attractive women as they possibly can, and that Pollack stomped karma in the face by saving himself while living in Athens, then I think the injury could be connected in that regard.

Or you could argue that with more sex his spine would have been stronger.

Actually, spine jokes are kind of hard to pull off. Let's move along.

Sam writes:

Clay,
Facebook may or may not hurt our generation's political futures, but it can apparently put Mexican restaurants out of business.

Still looking for some Beaver-Pelt Trading Love for Paul Johnson,

ps. I guess beating UNC would have probably helped.

Odds that several men over 27 read this article and thought to themselves, "Damn, I knew I should have gone to Mi Pueblo. That's where all the hot underage chicks go now."

I'm thinking about this because last night I went out with Tardio for a Thursday night. (He and KWo are currently flying to Vegas for a bachelor party at the Palms while I'm staying home to go to the zoo with Fox and Lara. Swell.) Anyway, we went to McFadden's and got wristbands to prove we were old enough to drink. Tardio swears he isn't taking his wristband off for a month. His quote: "If they give you a wristband, you know it's a good place." Honestly, Tardio needs his own book deal.

Ben Dumas writes:

Clay,

First off, I’m a big fan of your work! Second, I’m a Texas Tech grad living in SEC country. I’ll be honest and impartial enough to say that Tennessee is a bigger and greater job than Texas Tech, I won’t bother you with details about why Texas Tech is a better job than people down here give it credit for, or how he has better players than people realize.

Let’s just get down to brass tacks, you guys are coming after my coach… how much ya payin? How bad do you guys want him? With bonuses, he’ll make around $2 million, you gotta think Tech will match any offer Tennessee gives him up to about $3 million? Does Tennessee offer more than that, even for a coach who still technically hasn’t won anything? If Tech does match any offer, does he leave anyway? Right now, he’s built his team to be on or near the same level as Oklahoma and Texas, why would he trade that to be on the same level as Georgia and Florida?

One last thing, if you guys want him bad enough, there’s nothing we can do to stop you, but keep your greedy mitts off of him until our dream season is over!

I think we can go over $3 million if we need to. So if we set on Leach as our top coaching candidate I don't think money will be the issue. I think it will come down to whether or not Leach is interested in making the move. You say he's got Tech on par with Oklahoma and Texas (which the results certainly suggest, at least this year), but then say why would he trade that to be on the same level as Georgia and Florida? I think the answer is easy, money. Plus, Leach may realize that he's never going to be able to consistently match Oklahoma and Texas at Texas Tech. Even in the roughest years of Fulmer's tenure, the Vols have been to the SEC Championship Game every three years this decade (2001, 2004, and 2007).

As a pirate he may feel like he's in a sword fight with a fork. At Tennessee he'd have a bigger sword.

Plus, and I think this is key, Tennessee's just a bigger national platform. I get the sense that Leach is ready to be a star on the national scene. Can he maintain that status that in Lubbock? I don't know. But I do know he can do it in Knoxville.

I'd be more nervous about Leach leaving if he wasn't already in a tough division. I know the SEC is tough, but is it tougher to be at the helm of the all-time winningest program in the SEC East or at the fourth or fifth best all-time program in the Big 12 South?

Anyway, appreciate the email, and I do feel for Tech fans if we end up coming after Leach. Vol fans have been through this several times already with Bruce Pearl. There's just some part of us that still isn't convinced we're fortunate enough to have Pearl. We're like the overprotective boyfriend who has out kicked his coverage.

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