Best part of this shot? The wedding ring. You know this LSU fan got home, crushed because his team gave up 50 points two weeks in a row, and his wife was like,
"My mom called. She saw you flip a bird at the camera, Hastings (this guy's name is definitely something like Hastings). What were you thinking, Hastings? Sometimes I don't even know why I put up with you, I really don't."
Hastings: Mumbles undecipherable insult.
Wife: What was that Hastings, what did you say?
Hastings: Nothin'.
Wife: Nothing, huh? I'll show you nothing.
Wife walks into bedroom and comes back with LSU thong. Brandishes it in front of him. Then throws it in the trash. "We are not having sex until you apologize." Leaves room.
Hastings: Flips bird while speaking, "I'm sorry."
Wife: From other room. "Do you really mean it?"
Hastings: Yes, I'm sorry. I was drunk. It was Rusty, Rusty got me drunk.
Wife: I don't like Rusty. He's that friend of yours that sleeps with that skank Kaitlynne isn't he?
Hastings: Kaitlynne's not a skank, you're thinking of Kay'lynne.
Wife: Whatever, the one who didn't wear panties to the Virginia Tech game. She's gross.
Hastings: I know.
Wife: Reenters room. "So you're really sorry?"
Hastings: So sorry, cherie.
Wife: You want to play JaMarcus and the white girl?
Hastings: You mean it? You want me to get your thong out of the trash?
As an aside, Hastings' wife actually learned the "JaMarcus and the white girl" from JaMarcus Russell.
Talk about worlds colliding. That's a scenario I've never even played out in my worst nightmares. Wife and < insert popular player from your college team here >? I believe deadspin refers to this as Nightmare Fuel.
Travis has become enamored of several objects, phrases or events which he frequenly references in the column. Among the most frequent:
'Bama Bangs - a term coined by Travis to refer to southern men's hairstyles that feature prominent bangs for no apparent reason. Brodie Croyle and John Parker Wilson are oft-cited violators of 'Bama Bangs rules.
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When Clay Travis, acclaimed author of Dixieland Delight, decided to spend the 2008 season up close and personal with UT football, he—and every other college football aficionado—thought he was in for a rollicking ride with one of the leading contenders for the national title. After all, when the Vols kicked off the season on September 1, the defending SEC East champions were ranked 18th in the country. As head coach Phillip Fulmer prepared for the game, he reflected upon a coaching career that included an astounding 147 victories, two SEC championships, and a national title. With 34 years at UT under his belt as both a player and coach, the Tennessee native had just signed a contract extension that projected to keep him at the university long enough to become the winningest coach in program history.
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There is no college ball more passionate and competitive than football in the Southeastern Conference, where seven of the twelve schools boast stadiums bigger than any in the NFL and 6.5 million fans hit the road every year to hoot and holler their teams to victory.
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The newly favored man is not really a man at all, but a hairless, effeminate, germ-fearing, non-meat-eating, exfoliating, wristband-wearing woman of the worst order. We as men are told that we must embrace the sacred feminine in ourselves, even if it doesn't actually exist, and become the very quintessence of woman, plus penises. This situation is untenable. This trend must stop.
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Clay Travis is the only former student manager in the history of college athletics to marry an NFL cheerleader. He managed to pull this off despite an irrational affinity for the television shows Dawson's Creek and My Super Sweet 16. While being raised in Nashville, Tenn., Travis developed a healthy obsession with college sports and Alyssa Milano. As a teenager his greatest accomplishment was taking a doo-rag wearing Luke Duke (balling as Tom Wopat) to the hole at the Nashville YMCA.
In the midst of a stellar legal career during which he specialized in rewarding the unjust and punishing the oppressed, Travis began writing for CBS Sports's SPiN section in September 2005...
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As an aside, Hastings' wife actually learned the "JaMarcus and the white girl" from JaMarcus Russell.
Talk about worlds colliding. That's a scenario I've never even played out in my worst nightmares. Wife and < insert popular player from your college team here >? I believe deadspin refers to this as Nightmare Fuel.
Clay,
C'mon man, can I get a hat tip?