Beaver Pelt Trader of the Week

By the time this post goes up I'll be on the UT team bus en route to Athens. Well, Duluth actually. We're staying there for the night. Regardless of what happens in Saturday's game, I don't have a ride back to Nashville. So if by chance you're reading this, will be at the game, have an extra seat, and are driving back to Nashville on Saturday night, email and I might join you. My requirements are simple, Vol or Dawg, all I ask is that you be sane. Or insane and have large breasts. Seriously, shoot me a line at clay.travis@gmail.com if anyone reading this fits these strict parameters. Otherwise my plan is to ride to Atlanta and get a rental car somewhere in the city and drive back.

In case you're wondering the UT team is flying back to Knoxville and there are limited seats on the planes. Ergo I have to find my own way back to Nashville. You might be wondering, well, how are you getting to Knoxville? The answer is simple, my mom is driving me. That's not a joke. I've got a lunch packed and everything.

Anyway, our beaver pelt trader of the week is the pterodactyl. I realize this is a bit controversial seeing as how it's a prehistoric bird that doesn't exist anymore. And I don't think I've ever given the beaver pelt to an extinct animal. But I can feel it in my bones, this is the right decision. This is made even more so judging by the number of pterodactyl emails I've gotten from y'all. But Jimmy Bowles' emailed image takes the cake. His email said as follows: "I think this should be the official logo of the 2008 UT football team. Maybe the cover of your new book. You can always replace the car with Coach Fulmer. Enjoy." It's the image linked above. So congrats to the pterodactyl on the bptotw. I hope the Great Tit bird isn't jealous.

Derek writes:

Clay,

What do you think about the talk of Will Muschamp to the Vols?
We could bring back Trooper Taylor as OC and we would lead the nation in chest bumps.

Unless and until he becomes addicted to laudanum I will continue to support John Bell Hood Chavis as defensive coordinator. Now, Trooper at offensive coordinator, you might be on to something there. Although, to be fair, according to Dave Clawson SEC defenses aren't very complicated. Well, thank God. Imagine how few points we would have scored if they'd actually been complicated.

Does anyone else get the sense that our offense is the equivalent of trying to buy a .50 cent coke with a hundred dollar bill? I just keep picturing Clawson standing in front of the machine wanting to know why the machine won't take his money. Meanwhile Mark Richt has got a roll full of quarters and is using straws to spit Coke at us. Maybe this is just me.

Joag writes:

I'd add Sarah Silverman and Ellen Degeneres to this list (my list of the funniest women). And, I take issue with Harriet Tubman being on there. Tubman stole all of her jokes from Sojourner Truth and everybody knows it!! I'd keep Tina Fey #1 though.

Sojourner Truth vs. Harriet Tubman is one of the great underdiscussed humor feuds. Word is Truth stopped opening the door for Tubman after Harriet stole an underground railroad joke that ended with this punchline, "So, I declare, we hid behind the South Star!!!!"

Lots of nominees for most-hated Vols. Here are a few that were emailed in:

Ward writes:
-James “Little Man” Stewart—in 1993 he fumbled on the goal line without being touched really, against Alabama. We tied UT that year. I think it was 1994 he did it again, against Alabama. My step dad cursed him any time I brought up his name.

-Rain—there in the early 2000s, every time it rained, UT lost whether it was against Alabama in 2002 or Florida I think in the same year. There were a few other examples.

Those would be the ones I remember. I would throw in Jerry Greene also in basketball for his general suckiness and wearing a mock turtle neck all the damn time.

Rain is a particularly inspired selection here. You would have thought Knoxville was in the desert for the way UT played in the rain. Best thing about the rain stories? Phil Fulmer would always be quoted the next day saying something like this, "Dadgum rain, I don't know what to do. We work like heck on wet ball drills. I guess we'll have to get the hose out and work on wet balls again."

Every sentence from Coach Fulmer about wet balls made me cringe. That and hoses. I'm cringing now. So are you. Sorry.

Greg Payne writes:

John Snodgrass – Primarily, this is because I’m from the Chattanooga area and had to read about how awesome he was during his high school years at McCallie only to see him be a 7 foot waste of space on the basketball court at UT

Gerald Riggs – Same deal..Chattanooga area, huge hype, at least he had one good year.

Reggie Cobb – Just for pissing away talent.

Confession: I don't even remember John Snodgrass. Was he better or worse than Boomer Herndon? As for Riggs, I disagree because he eventually had one good year and then got injured against Alabama and missed another year.

Reggie Cobb is pretty inspired though. God, he was awesome. Remember how we had the CobbWebb rushing attack for like one game? I remember thinking that nickname was the most brilliant thing ever. Then Chuck Webb got injured against Pacific and Cobb got busted snorting cocaine. Talk about a rough season.

My favorite thing about Reggie Cobb was how my dad defended him when he got busted. I was 11 and this was in the midst of the Just Say No campaign. What did dad say? "Clay, Reggie still rushed for over 100 yards even though he knew he was going to fail his drug test. That had to be weighing on him, but he still played well." Seriously, he said this.

Also, is it just me or is Cobb's wikipedia page wrong? It says he led college football in rushing his senior year, but didn't he get kicked off the team his final year? Is this wrong? Someone has to know. Make us proud.

Just when I thought this was bad, I went to look up Chuck Webb's wikipedia page and he doesn't even have one. This is absurd. We have to remedy this.

Labels: beaver pelt trader pterodactyl team bus reggie cobb chuck webb

Posted by Clay Travis at 11:19 PM
Permalink Digg this Post Email this Post

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

• Clemson at Wake Forest Preview
• Video of Tony Franklin Leaving Auburn
• Pacman Jones At It Again
• Acquarium Fish Swims Into Boy's Penis
• Storytime with Clay
• Arian Foster's Pterodactyl Plane Coming to Skies
• 10 Year Old Flips Van; Dad Wants More Beer
• Tuesday Mailbag and radio show
• Auburn Cries Through the Pain
• Arian Foster Speaks Pterodactyl