Beaver Pelt Trader of the Week: ClayNation Apostrophized Football Team
Friday, October 3, 2008
Occasionally true genius arrives in the mailbag. We're talking Einstein on the verge of completing his theory of relativity, Faulkner just before The Sound and the Fury was published, and Lee at Chancellorsville brilliant. When genius and the moment finally meet. Such is true with the ClayNation Apostrophe Rankings (CAR) and sports. Feast your eyes on this cornucopia of apostrophisized brilliance, the 2008 All Apostrophe football team. I honestly don't know what to say. A tremendous tip of the hat to Gordon Fletcher.
Clay,
I wanted to start an annual submission of mine to the mailbag. I was honored to receive the beaver pelt for my first submission, but I felt the need to create another list. With the 2008 college football season under way, I thought a 2008 NCAA All A'postrohpe Team should be created. We just need to find a QB. I'm sure some of these, and some from the last list, will easily make the CAR (Claynation Apostrophe Rankings). En'joy.
Di'Ivory Edgecomb RB, FL Atlantic
A'mod Ned RB, FL International
O'Darrius D’Haiti DB, FL Int.
Ri'Chard Davis, RB, Georgia Southern
Re'Keem Wilson DB, Southeastern Louisianna
Ke'Onn Rutley, RB, Alcorn St.
De'Vonte Whitmore TE, Arkansas-Pine Bluff
De'Mack Bates. RB Grambling
Bruna' Foster DB, Grambling
Dont'a Hightower LB, Alabama
De'Anthony Curtis RB, Arkansas
T'Sharvan Bell DB, Auburn
D'Antoine Hood DB, Auburn
Sen'Derrick Marks DE, Auburn
La'Cori Johnson WR, Southern Methodist
A'Darius Medford WR, Southern Methodist
Ja'Corey Shephard DB, Rice
Da'Mon Cromartie-Smith, DB UTEP
Tre' Newton RB, Ok St.
Ter'ran Benton CB, Iowa St.
Da'Rel Scott RB, Maryland
I feel like I did when I was a kid and I'd just arrived at the Christmas tree. There are so many glistening presents here (Ri'Chard, really? Odds D'Antoine Hood is a descendant of John Bell Hood? ) that I don't even know what to think or do. Except sound like Tiny Tim. God bless you Gordon Fletcher, god bless you everyone.
Carl Williams writes:
Clay,
We have proof that the apostrophe has changed the course of our world.
Imagine if the Wasillans were progressive enough in 1995 to put the apostrophe in public office. Caribou Barbie Palin may still be reporting on the Iditarod and snow shoe races.
For those of you who aren't reading the article, Palin won her first election in 1995by defeating a woman named R'Nita Rogers. Yep, for one golden moment in the Alaskan sun, the only thing standing between Sarah Palin and the Vice-Presidential nomination was a woman named R'Nita.
In the wake of last night's Vice-Presidential debate, it's important to note how fickle the line is between political success and failure. By the way, is anyone who gives a shoutout during a debate allowed to ever be President? Can we amend the Constitution to restrict this? More importantly, would anyone of any political persuasion actually be opposed? Imagine if Barack Obama had given a shoutout to anyone. Then the shoutout (like the fist pound) would have turned into this huge cultural phenomenon. About fifteen years after the phrase had any coolness associated with it. Conservatives would be wringing their hands claiming that Obama was sending coded messages to terrorists.
By the way, we're still in need of a ClayNation apostrophe graphic. Someone needs to design it. Y'all have been so good at responding to other questions and whatnot but have somehow forgotten the single most important request: proper respect for the apostrophe.
But after all this, our beaver pelt trader of the week award is going to David Williams of Vanderbilt University. Prof. Williams is the de facto head of Vanderbilt athletics and also holds the distinction of having taught me at Vanderbilt Law School. He's a great guy, even if he did give me a B- for no reason whatsoever. He's pictured above. Gordon Fletcher gets an honorary beaver pelt. Labels: 2008 College Football Apostrophe Team
Posted by Clay Travis at 1:32 PM
 
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How about FSU QB D'Vontrey Richardson?
Superb. The team is complete. Unless another, better, nomination arrives.
Clay you got a B- in Sports Law? How is that even possible?
Actually it was Taxation of Non-Profit Entities. Or something like that.
I also got a D in First Amendment. So my law school legal career truly knows no bounds.