All That and a Bag of Mail: Beaver Pelt Trader of the Week
Friday, October 31, 2008
Our beaver pelt trader of the week is reader Josh Sims for his brilliant Jort-Out Georgia plan. I've written more about this and other upcoming college football games on Deadspin here. On to All That and a Bag of Mail.
Mike McKenzie writes:
Michigan has a commit named Shavodrick Beaver. That`s right, Shav`d Beaver. Awesome.
I just pray that he wins a Heisman. Although by saying this I've probably just brought Charles Woodson part two. So let me high step away from that one. As an aside, remember back when Tennessee and Michigan were good?
Matt writes:
So I got invited to the game on Thursday night. Luckily I had not shaven since the Saturday before and was able to present a decent beard. Unfortunately, it did not work. I blame it on one of my friends being beardless and the other not being able to grow anything more than stubble.
I tried to get your attention going through the VolWalk, but you looked like a scared dear in the headlights. You looked like you were just trying to get through the small path alive. The group who was around me was pretty wild, so I can understand why you would feel that way. They had the audacity to rub Fulmer's head and mess up his hair. He took it better than I would have thought.
The Vol Walk is intimidating if you aren't actually a member of the team or coaching staff. Everyone wants to congratulate you, shake your hand, and get you fired up to play in the game. Meanwhile I'm carrying a pen and notepad and not playing in the actual game. Plus, I have no real connection to any of the preparation or the like. Yet I still feel like people blame me if I don't shake their hand or say something cool to them. So it's kind of an uncomfortable feeling. I'm glad to know I covered this feeling up by looking like a scared deer. That's definitely the look I was going for.
Brian McGee writes:
What is with the tiny sweat bands that players are wearing around their elbows? I mean does this string of cloth really do all that much? I’ve also noticed them around the knees as well. I thought it was really funny to see that our quarterback, Nick Stephens, as well as our kicker and holder were wearing them over their underarmour. I guess there are some things I’ll never get….this and the fact that players like to wear what is equivalent to pantyhose on their head.
You know how every now and then you hear a question that you didn't even know you actually had? This is one of them. I have no idea what those things do. Although I have a strong suspicion that they're just supposed to make the muscles bulge more and look intimidating. Because they can't actually restrict any sweat. That would be impossible for them to manage as they're worn and constructed.
As for over the underarmour, this makes even less sense. I'm going to ask about this on the sideline tomorrow. Maybe I'll even wear some. They remind me of the bands the Ultimate Warrior used to wear. So they can't be all bad.
Alyson writes:
Someone said "I love the law" to me at a bar for the first time last night. I thought it was an urban legend all this time, I was very impressed with how smooth it sounded (even though I had to laugh), and I'm sorry for doubting it. And about your apostrophe problem, am I the only person wondering why you were writing an e-mail asking "Whose/who's pants are these?"?
When you operate a brothel out of your third floor, pants show up every now and then without anyone to claim them. I've learned to accept that as one of the hazards of the profession. For instance my right hand is always sore from pimp-slapping 'hos as well. What can you do? C'est la vie.
Hopefully you immediately procreated with the man who hit on you by claiming to love the law. And by "immediately procreated" I mean sliced off his balls with a really sharp olive toothpick. Women think that I'm lying when I give them the "love the law" warning. Don't. It's out there. Guys think you'll sleep with them if they say this. Be forewarned. Especially tonight when you're going to have on your slutty Halloween costume.
Chris writes:
I just flipped through my Nashville Bar Journal for this month, get to the back cover, and your ugly mug was staring at me in a Counsel on Call ad. Nice action photo of you fake-writing on a legal pad. Also, it says you are the author of two well-received books. Can we consider Man The Book “well-received?” Maybe it should have said, “Author of two well received-books (one in the United States, the other in England.)”
That's me, the greatest lawyer on earth. I'm surprised no one has mentioned my quote about loving the law that's also included. That's the quote I'm proudest of. As for my popularity in England, I remain the only American author to be a national bestseller in England and be unread on the West Coast. It's an awesome title to have. One of many reasons why I'm moving to England in the future. I'm already close to the Atlantic. If the game against South Carolina goes bad tomorrow I might just get on a steamer and sail away. Labels: shavodrick beaver tiny arm bands south carolina tennessee
Posted by Clay Travis at 2:36 PM
 
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